I lost it. Shit.

Crying my eyes out. I lost it. I was happy when I passed the freaking tax paper. With an ugly C. But then again, I still lost it. Really dissapointed.........T_____T

I trust you.

I'm on my way to believing. Don't let me down.

The communication barrier.

And so I thought. I thought that communication barrier only exist between me and my mum, or my dad, or granny ,grandpa...or alien. But guess what I found out? I had communication barrier with you! We suppose to get along well, same generation right. WRONG! I am wrong. Most of the time I don't get what you are trying to tell me. and I am sure same goes to you. Most of the time I hear you talk, and try my best not to yawn ...and of course tried to understand you better b asking you questions. But when I talk, you obviously showed you had no interest or what so ever, making me losing the interest to share whatever amazing with you. I don't blame you. We are d.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t.! I saw it coming in the first place. Just never know it came so soon. I thought I will be able to cope. Turns out I'm wrong. It's like I'm from a different planet. I don't know. It keeps me wondering why we get along in the first place and only the stupid annoying differences appear after........we get to know each other "better". I feel alienated from whatever topic you are trying to say. Sorry, I don't know how to say this but, it seems like we are from totally different dimension. Seems like a petty issue but it annoys me badly. Instead of trying too hard, to understand you, I decide to talk to you again when you have some time to spare for me. I usually don't have this kind of problem. I'm just trying to find out why.

Maybe I miss you.

It's probably the 2nd time in a month, I dreamt. About you and I. The weirdest thing was, in the dream, I will run towards you and give you a hug. Having my both arms around you made me want to cry. It's the warmth that I longed for. Or maybe... I miss you. But why, you? Since we graduated from high school,I only met you occasionally. Charming like always, with tones of friends. Thats what you are. You are one amazing person ever entered my life. I remember we talked about our lives. You had amazing dreams, and you managed to change something bad to something we looked forward. As I talked about mine, I cried. And it was your shoulder I cried on. I remembered it well. I felt I was the luckiest person on earth having someone to talked and hug. I don't know how, you just have that amazing aura in you. I was constantly inspired by you. Somehow, things changed. I don't agree with you at times, but being a close friend to you, I chose to support you all the way. And the dream I had, it's a proof that I still care about you. I wanna tell you that certain decisions that u make sometimes are really haste decisions. I worried that it might hurt you back later in life. I really hope that you know that you deserve better and make right decisions. You have so many friends,you might have forgotten about me, but I know I miss you. But, rest assured. You won't get to know about this, because isn't it too awkward to ask you..., ' Do you ever miss me too?'

I'm back, journal.

DAC 4 will be the best!

Yieh Yieh and me...^^

Throw up high,reach for the sky!

JY Loong. I miss your Avanza.=)

So yeah, thats some of the Graduation pictures.

I came back. I knew I would. I did had the thought of abandoning this blog. But, fact is, I need it. Times like this make me think more, more to crap about everything. I have graduated. * Hooray...I actually graduated!!!Hurm... Advanced is tough. And it's not a piece of cake. It's really a hard nut to crack. But I'm still breathing. I don't vomit that often anymore, Exams phobia is already in control althought I did felt my head spinning just before my English paper. And yeah Tax. Ergh......I.....like tax, Just that, there is too much..just tooo much to remember. Damn, thinking back, I think I screwed up the paper. Did I...I don't know really. I can't figure out what I was doing...I just kept on writing and to finish the paper was my main objective. So, I pray I'll pass. I have to pass, or else..my scholarship will just go down the drain, my effort in Diploma will just be flushed down the toilet bowl. Life is really kicking in now, and I can see the bright skies now, and for some reason the rain don't bother me that much now. ...I'm really glad. Most of all, somehow I still miss DAC 4 really bad. We had somehow became like a close family and after 2 years we have to separate. I had a really hard time coping you know. Anyway, found new friends this sem, and it's not all that bad. Time will definitely make another new bonding. We'll never know. I'm loving this life already. Cheers~=)

ADVANCE BABY!

Final results came out... Feel relieved that everything is done and happy I did not accidently fail my Tamadun paper. I got A- for that. Hehe...Also happy that Business software watever ware is that I don't care...also able to get an A. So..hooray~~skips and jump! I'm almost a diploma graduate! Can't believe it. Everthing is done. It's time for the next level, and I've realised I had more responsibilities now.. yesh...I do. And this responsibility made me realise I have a beautiful life. I'm learning to love my life now...whatever it takes...thanks to you.=)

SCREAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Just wanna have a good throwing tantrum session. I wanna rip my pillows, I wanna scribble my walls, I want to break some glasses, to scare away the stupid cat outside my house, to scream at my neighbour's annoying 'workout freak' hamster. Lastly....I want to cry my eyes out! But knowing I can't. It's already midnite. So...don't mind dear blog. I'll do it here......... Ok.? Here,take these ear plugs.
.....
........
............

Thank you. I'm done.=)

When it ends.

My friend just broke up. I can't help but feeling rather,um,yuck. Thisngs tend to happen right. I didn't know the whole story but, the guy cheated. That is how it ends. I didn't know if they can find ways to patch it back ever again, but if ..i mean *if...any party starts to cheat,he/she will have a hard time gaining the partner's trust again. OR maybe never.

I can't help wondering why,GOD don't just create us humans who only have space enough for 1 special person? Wouldn't it be better? Then I'll fall in love without the stupid insecurity in my heart?

And now look what happen? I bet she is crying her eyes out now for one useless guy who can't stick to his promises. Friend, good luck.Just don't give up yet. Like I said,you deserve better!

Nothing-ness.

Oh.I hate holidays. I really hate it. The weather isn't doing me any good. First,it's damn hot. Pipe water can burn hands. And...I thought I could at least have a walk at pasar malam to feel better. It started to rain. WT!!...ok...wat else. And I'm getting frustrated again. I need a job. But,I have too many restictions that made it quite impossible. People might think that, I didn't even look for it. I won't explain, cos they wouldn't understand. I've done my best. I only have endless restrictions and I seriously hated that. I've talked to *MOE,he made me feel better. He said it was because I'm still at a diploma level, I don't have to feel too guilty about not working to make me feel better about feeling useless. But I still hate the fact that I'm wasting time. I know I have to work to get things I want. I didn't want to whine and complain about things I couldn't have. I want to earn it, work for it. Because things that come easily will easily drown us. But sometimes, I do wish I could succumb to a spoilt life like some people.To laugh like mad and have all the fun I wish even for a day.To study course I wanted. To do things I like. To have the things I wish for. To have my dream car. WTF? Okay,I'm just imagining...for pleasure only. I'm more matured than that. Yeah,that is how frustrated I am. Thats what I'm looking forward to..a better life. I want to build my life. Mom and dad, I wish I could just get some support at least. Take me seriously . I know what I'm doing. Give me a chance I deserved. I've proven myself. Don't you think it's time for me to take another step forward even if there are chances to fail? I'm afraid to fail. But if that makes me a better person,why not?

Spell it out for me.

Blahs. Why did I went into this in the first place. Fate? God ,if you can tell me that this is what you've plan for me, I would believe in you and try my best to hold on. But,my foolish insecurities are making someone suffer. I truly doesn't want this to happen. But in the same way,I hate to ignore it because I believe,we should address the problem as soon as possible so it doesn't pile up and become as high as the sky-scappers and then only to call it quits when it is oh well ..too late. By then ,we will be crushed to the max,and little possibilities to stand up again. Am I thinking too much again? Why isn't not a give and take? It supposed to be right? If you can wait and see me learning to open my heart.

AFA, here I come.

Chosen my path. No turning back. No regrets. Gonna miss my bunch of friends who has helped me so much along the way. hurmmm.................another thousand miles won't kill ryte?

Another step forward...

Meet Juliet.;)

There Juliet's first picture. Unfortunaly,Romeo ran away before I was able to keep memories of him.Oh,guy! Hope you are still having a great time out there. I knew he doesn't like Juliet and me..=( it's okay,I still have Juliet,and I'm gonna get a friend for her soon. And I'm going to change her name as well. I promised~^^*thanks Miow for the suggestions*. I'm happy she eats a lot, very active. In fact, she is better at socialising than Romeo.haha.

I am supposed to get started with my Tamadun Islam .I'm stuck at Kuliah 5. Duh,there is a test tomorrow. But I can't help it,I have a private moment with my pc now and all I wanna do is blog. So,this is it!

It was just like yesterday when I 1st entered college to start my diploma. It was just like yesterday,when I felt like a total loser, living everyday with uttermost regrets. It was just like yesterday...I lost my pink stuffs. It was just like yesterday, when I felt like I was against the world. It's almost 2 years had pass me by...I was grateful to have went through lots of things. Some impossible ones. I remembered how I have swore to myself to pass through this difficult path, to keep on going, to keep on studying,to secure a better life.

Life is much better now. I'm having some of the best people around. I am thankful,and grateful. I'm a fool to have not seen that earlier. I really can't imagine live without these people who constantly get you mad,crazier, make the ultimate jokes .Life is not all about 'myself' or 'ourselves'. I am nobody without them.

So here I am again,about to make another BIG STEP FORWARD. I'm going to graduate soon. And I'm going to continue my Advance Diploma. Thing is..there are different routes which most of us have to take. AFA or AAC. Thats what most of us are thinking right now. AAC may be a safer route to take. AFA is a bit tougher. AFA require us to sit for college exams as well as external papers at one go. Superb. If I'm going to take that route,I have to well..triple my efforts, cut down blogging, cut down tvs,cut down fb...oh god. for the sake of passing this . My sis,I can say she did fairly well in her external papers. And I tried my best to bear with her tensions. Stress weh. I know. So, I am still considering. 80% of me is deciding to go for AFA but I do doubt myself . My abilities to take stress. But still I wanted it. Have to be mentally prepared for the ultimate extreme stress. Have to make up my mind by 17th of April 2010. 2 years.... Can I take it??...

Stupid brain.

You know what? I been dying to ask you this...but what is the point. You won't admit it anyway. And I sometimes,occasionally really hate it because my instincts are freaking true. Give yourself some time. Give me some time. Don't live your life with regrets. I know what you feel. You still can't get that off your mind. And ..I can't get this off my mind too. Pathetic but true. Take the time I have given you. Tell me..the truth.

brain fog.

Results out. It's not good, not bad. Just a little dissapointment, I guess. So,...I'm living in a brain fog now. Unsure what to feel. Headache. Moodless. I feel I can do better than this. For me,this is a failure. I am not satisfied.

Mercy.

I'm begging you for some mercy. Learn to talk,please...

imperfection.

It all happened too suddenly. Glad everything returned to normal. 14th February was not okay..so is the 15th,16th,17th..so on..but everything is fine now.I hope you are okay too. Really. Who's fault was that. I don't want to know anymore,it isn't important now. Misunderstandings I hope it was. I don't know.Partly..it was my fault.MINE...no..not partly..overall? Hurm~
I'm really not good at this, will not be..anytime soon. Selfish me...I was...and I'm still am..I may lose someone dear to me, due to my own fault. I have no courage to do this. I have so much things to do, so much wants..so much to think. I may lose someone I care so dearly,I may bleed inside like hell..but I don't even have the courage to cry...that is how imperfect I was. Imperfect!
I don't always have my way all the time.Mostly,actually...I am frustrated when I can't have things my way. And to have things my way,of course I have to be someone capable of standing on my own. I don't wanna lose now. Some people around me do not really understand why I take life too seriously.Maybe...they were mostly born with 'silver spoon'. I'm not that lucky, like others..I have to work extra hard to achieve what I want.
Things are so unstable lately.I afraid,of losing something when I got something else. Why is it so hard? Sometime I even wake up from my sleep and wonder why am I here. Sometimes,I'm sick of people's expectations around me. Sick of everything. So bothered that I forgotten what I want in the 1st place. Sometimes,I'm afraid of letting people down. Give me a break people.

Something isn't right.

What is wrong with you?? The fact that i did not know anything freaks me out and it makes me wanna cry. What can I do to help? Knowing very well I can't. I hate this feeling.='(

He said...

He said that he will lead me all the way,
that everything will be okay
because he will be here every single day.

He said, I can call him whenever I needed him,
he will watch every step I take ,
and catch me whenever I fall.

Years passed by,
And I wanted to fly,
I feel that I need him less,
I told him to let me go.

But I do fall off sometimes,
and he is still there...
offering his hand to mine,
with a smile that will light up the gloomiest day.

But,I still doubt.
doubted that he loves me,
he never say that to me.
how will I know?

It's alright ...
I never told him that either.
But did he know?

I send a short message to him this morning.
I said, Happy Birthday! Have a nice day!
Mwahhhks!=)
maybe he will know?hehe~
Happy Birthday Daddy!


Look! It's my DAD!
I wanted to find the most handsome picture of him. But this was the first I saw...and it turns out that I don't have to find anymore. Maybe he is handsome after all..isn't he?

Yea...learnt some lame thing today.^^

I finally learned some lame thing today. It is lame , I know, but as I'm no computer savvy...I am really happy that I learnt it today from a good friend of mine. Teng Fung!! Thanks for being patient enough to teach me step by step.hehe..yalar belanja u lar...LOL...
I thought posting an image was just having to press that 'printscreen' button and paste it..but I just can't and started to get frustrated. However, with a will to achieve..haha, I managed to get a very useful knowledge today.Laugh all you might...yea,I'm not good at everything.

So, this is it! Tadah~~I learnt to paint. That is an image of my restaurant,"De'Beers" in facebook, and my nine workers...who are very very hardworking because the boss feeds them every single day,365days a year, with an exception,they will have off day when the boss is having examinations .^^



Welcome to De'Beers!

And this image down there was a 'proof' that TF made...I told him to upload it..haha.for testing purpose..but i don't think it can be seen clearly...The examination release date for us, 2nd year Business students is 8th of March 2010!
OMG!Doomed....

....okay that is all for today.I love to learn new things. I have hunger for knowledge. Is it good or bad??haha,you judge.

My stomach is making lots of noises already...........herm..fried rice anyone?

If you don't wana talk.

What is the point talking about it when you never listen? Let us all just shut up and maybe when you finally decide to talk, it will be all too late.

I don't mean to whine....but...

If you wanna know, I have just celebrated my 2010 New Year. Cheers...no?
I have just done my killing. Yes,killing my 6 papers that doesn't seem to entice me at all since the very first week. But,I finally tried my best to understand them,really..not love at first sight. Like the malay proverb,"tak kenal,maka tak cinta." You will never ever love one thing until you get to know them. Like very other semester I made a promise to myself to start earlier...but things will never go my way all the time.
Dah,tadah..bla bla...whatever it is..it's over ryte??.I deserved to chill. So, chill. To be honest, I'm worried about MA a lot...theory part like the chinese say "chui sui"...means BS la...I done it a lot of times..this time no exception. Dear markers, please be lenient. I hope. *my wishful thinking* Same goes to PA..I never loved it . Sorry Ms Jessie. And FAP too...
Darn it!...lets not talk about exams..talk about now. I have so much to say.......so much..but seemed to have throw it in the recycle bin right after exams. Nevermind,give me a minute. Oh yeah, New Year.Let's just talk about the new year. 2010,I went to Curve for the countdown. I love Bukit Bintang a lot but my mom was hesitant to go there. First,it's the jam, second will be the drowsy kids there.Yeah, so...Curve,Damansara was the final choice. The concert there was better than previous year in 2008 *2009 I went Sg Wang* The kids there are more decent ,except for some guys..trying to get too near..beware...!! But..the crowd there was amazing. I losed my parents minutes before 2010 arrives..so i was busy searching for them,I was pushed back into Ikea, and decided the best way was to just stay in there...and ended up 'listening' to the fireworks instead. great.wat a new year to begin with....It's okay,something different at least.
Thinking back, Itried to summarize the whole 2009. What I've learned,what I've achieved,who I've met....and most important of all.....how it had all changed me. I have changed,slightly i guess. For better or worst,I don't dare to say. Good thing is, I find smiling easier. The bad thing is, I am worried that I might take everything too easy till I forget what is my main aim in life. Yes, I am a human too,I tend to have to much fun at times. But, best year so far..2009.Too much happenings, too much. Almost too much for me to take at times. Things happen for reasons...and I guessed I've learned so much, I feel glad.
Happenings like,friends hooking up*in a good way*,outings ,normal jokes and other lame stuffs are some of great moments. While...yea, some do fall out of love...conflicts, tests...are some of erm not so good lar. Well well, it is still the best year out of my 19th years of living on this earth. However, things would not be so much better if these important people weren't in my life. You should know who you guys are. *Ask me if you must*
I wish the best for every single person on earth,those suffering from natural disasters, I really send my condolences. I hope everything will cure as time passes...rebuilt and continue to be strong to faced whatever that might happen. I hope it is not too late to wish every single friends to have a better yaer ahead in 2010 and all the best in achieving good results that will possibly be out in a month's time. I also wish, this year I will continue to learn and never stop learning about life. I want to love life. Wao...that is so many wishes...I'm not greedy okay.....just....a little more excited.
Hopefully all my friends and I are able to go to the next round. Yeah, we are going to graduate this May, or June. Hope everything goes well...and continue our respective journey. Give ourselves a chance to have faith in ourselves. For now,I'm living with this,'Never hit the breakes!' Even if you have to, make it worthwhile . Last but not least, an early wishing towards a "Prosperous Chinese New Year!

huhu~T__T

I'm driving myself mad again. Exams is well... 1 week away...I can't believe the urge to study haven't strike me yet. Meteor...strike me so I can start study!
Feverish a few days back...not a nice feeling. And...GOD please oh please..let me have my appetite..at least till the end of my exams...my brain needs food. Bell..start study larrrrrr~~~