SCREAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Just wanna have a good throwing tantrum session. I wanna rip my pillows, I wanna scribble my walls, I want to break some glasses, to scare away the stupid cat outside my house, to scream at my neighbour's annoying 'workout freak' hamster. Lastly....I want to cry my eyes out! But knowing I can't. It's already midnite. So...don't mind dear blog. I'll do it here......... Ok.? Here,take these ear plugs.
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Thank you. I'm done.=)

When it ends.

My friend just broke up. I can't help but feeling rather,um,yuck. Thisngs tend to happen right. I didn't know the whole story but, the guy cheated. That is how it ends. I didn't know if they can find ways to patch it back ever again, but if ..i mean *if...any party starts to cheat,he/she will have a hard time gaining the partner's trust again. OR maybe never.

I can't help wondering why,GOD don't just create us humans who only have space enough for 1 special person? Wouldn't it be better? Then I'll fall in love without the stupid insecurity in my heart?

And now look what happen? I bet she is crying her eyes out now for one useless guy who can't stick to his promises. Friend, good luck.Just don't give up yet. Like I said,you deserve better!

Nothing-ness.

Oh.I hate holidays. I really hate it. The weather isn't doing me any good. First,it's damn hot. Pipe water can burn hands. And...I thought I could at least have a walk at pasar malam to feel better. It started to rain. WT!!...ok...wat else. And I'm getting frustrated again. I need a job. But,I have too many restictions that made it quite impossible. People might think that, I didn't even look for it. I won't explain, cos they wouldn't understand. I've done my best. I only have endless restrictions and I seriously hated that. I've talked to *MOE,he made me feel better. He said it was because I'm still at a diploma level, I don't have to feel too guilty about not working to make me feel better about feeling useless. But I still hate the fact that I'm wasting time. I know I have to work to get things I want. I didn't want to whine and complain about things I couldn't have. I want to earn it, work for it. Because things that come easily will easily drown us. But sometimes, I do wish I could succumb to a spoilt life like some people.To laugh like mad and have all the fun I wish even for a day.To study course I wanted. To do things I like. To have the things I wish for. To have my dream car. WTF? Okay,I'm just imagining...for pleasure only. I'm more matured than that. Yeah,that is how frustrated I am. Thats what I'm looking forward to..a better life. I want to build my life. Mom and dad, I wish I could just get some support at least. Take me seriously . I know what I'm doing. Give me a chance I deserved. I've proven myself. Don't you think it's time for me to take another step forward even if there are chances to fail? I'm afraid to fail. But if that makes me a better person,why not?

Spell it out for me.

Blahs. Why did I went into this in the first place. Fate? God ,if you can tell me that this is what you've plan for me, I would believe in you and try my best to hold on. But,my foolish insecurities are making someone suffer. I truly doesn't want this to happen. But in the same way,I hate to ignore it because I believe,we should address the problem as soon as possible so it doesn't pile up and become as high as the sky-scappers and then only to call it quits when it is oh well ..too late. By then ,we will be crushed to the max,and little possibilities to stand up again. Am I thinking too much again? Why isn't not a give and take? It supposed to be right? If you can wait and see me learning to open my heart.