imperfectionshedances~

Fed Up

2011-01-23T17:41:00.000-08:00

Frustration begins again. This time, it is really bringing me down...a lot. Life isn't really what I have planned. Not at all. I hate this life, really. I can't explain why.I just hate it at this moment. This time is worst, coz I am not looking forward to anything at all....AT ALL.Everything sucks. Yes , I mean every single thing:'(

I lost it. Shit.

2010-10-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Crying my eyes out. I lost it. I was happy when I passed the freaking tax paper. With an ugly C. But then again, I still lost it. Really dissapointed.........T_____T

I trust you.

2010-09-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm on my way to believing. Don't let me down.

The communication barrier.

2010-09-21T22:51:00.001-07:00

And so I thought. I thought that communication barrier only exist between me and my mum, or my dad, or granny ,grandpa...or alien. But guess what I found out? I had communication barrier with you! We suppose to get along well, same generation right. WRONG! I am wrong. Most of the time I don't get what you are trying to tell me. and I am sure same goes to you. Most of the time I hear you talk, and try my best not to yawn ...and of course tried to understand you better b asking you questions. But when I talk, you obviously showed you had no interest or what so ever, making me losing the interest to share whatever amazing with you. I don't blame you. We are d.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t.! I saw it coming in the first place. Just never know it came so soon. I thought I will be able to cope. Turns out I'm wrong. It's like I'm from a different planet. I don't know. It keeps me wondering why we get along in the first place and only the stupid annoying differences appear after........we get to know each other "better". I feel alienated from whatever topic you are trying to say. Sorry, I don't know how to say this but, it seems like we are from totally different dimension. Seems like a petty issue but it annoys me badly. Instead of trying too hard, to understand you, I decide to talk to you again when you have some time to spare for me. I usually don't have this kind of problem. I'm just trying to find out why.

Maybe I miss you.

2010-09-21T00:33:00.000-07:00

It's probably the 2nd time in a month, I dreamt. About you and I. The weirdest thing was, in the dream, I will run towards you and give you a hug. Having my both arms around you made me want to cry. It's the warmth that I longed for. Or maybe... I miss you. But why, you? Since we graduated from high school,I only met you occasionally. Charming like always, with tones of friends. Thats what you are. You are one amazing person ever entered my life. I remember we talked about our lives. You had amazing dreams, and you managed to change something bad to something we looked forward. As I talked about mine, I cried. And it was your shoulder I cried on. I remembered it well. I felt I was the luckiest person on earth having someone to talked and hug. I don't know how, you just have that amazing aura in you. I was constantly inspired by you. Somehow, things changed. I don't agree with you at times, but being a close friend to you, I chose to support you all the way. And the dream I had, it's a proof that I still care about you. I wanna tell you that certain decisions that u make sometimes are really haste decisions. I worried that it might hurt you back later in life. I really hope that you know that you deserve better and make right decisions. You have so many friends,you might have forgotten about me, but I know I miss you. But, rest assured. You won't get to know about this, because isn't it too awkward to ask you..., ' Do you ever miss me too?'

I'm back, journal.

2010-08-31T22:37:00.000-07:00

DAC 4 will be the best!

Yieh Yieh and me...^^

Throw up high,reach for the sky!

JY Loong. I miss your Avanza.=)

So yeah, thats some of the Graduation pictures.

I came back. I knew I would. I did had the thought of abandoning this blog. But, fact is, I need it. Times like this make me think more, more to crap about everything. I have graduated. * Hooray...I actually graduated!!!Hurm... Advanced is tough. And it's not a piece of cake. It's really a hard nut to crack. But I'm still breathing. I don't vomit that often anymore, Exams phobia is already in control althought I did felt my head spinning just before my English paper. And yeah Tax. Ergh......I.....like tax, Just that, there is too much..just tooo much to remember. Damn, thinking back, I think I screwed up the paper. Did I...I don't know really. I can't figure out what I was doing...I just kept on writing and to finish the paper was my main objective. So, I pray I'll pass. I have to pass, or else..my scholarship will just go down the drain, my effort in Diploma will just be flushed down the toilet bowl. Life is really kicking in now, and I can see the bright skies now, and for some reason the rain don't bother me that much now. ...I'm really glad. Most of all, somehow I still miss DAC 4 really bad. We had somehow became like a close family and after 2 years we have to separate. I had a really hard time coping you know. Anyway, found new friends this sem, and it's not all that bad. Time will definitely make another new bonding. We'll never know. I'm loving this life already. Cheers~=)

ADVANCE BABY!

2010-05-11T21:28:00.001-07:00

Final results came out... Feel relieved that everything is done and happy I did not accidently fail my Tamadun paper. I got A- for that. Hehe...Also happy that Business software watever ware is that I don't care...also able to get an A. So..hooray~~skips and jump! I'm almost a diploma graduate! Can't believe it. Everthing is done. It's time for the next level, and I've realised I had more responsibilities now.. yesh...I do. And this responsibility made me realise I have a beautiful life. I'm learning to love my life now...whatever it takes...thanks to you.=)

SCREAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

2010-04-29T08:46:00.001-07:00

Just wanna have a good throwing tantrum session. I wanna rip my pillows, I wanna scribble my walls, I want to break some glasses, to scare away the stupid cat outside my house, to scream at my neighbour's annoying 'workout freak' hamster. Lastly....I want to cry my eyes out! But knowing I can't. It's already midnite. So...don't mind dear blog. I'll do it here......... Ok.? Here,take these ear plugs.
.....
........
............

Thank you. I'm done.=)

When it ends.

2010-04-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

My friend just broke up. I can't help but feeling rather,um,yuck. Thisngs tend to happen right. I didn't know the whole story but, the guy cheated. That is how it ends. I didn't know if they can find ways to patch it back ever again, but if ..i mean *if...any party starts to cheat,he/she will have a hard time gaining the partner's trust again. OR maybe never.

I can't help wondering why,GOD don't just create us humans who only have space enough for 1 special person? Wouldn't it be better? Then I'll fall in love without the stupid insecurity in my heart?

And now look what happen? I bet she is crying her eyes out now for one useless guy who can't stick to his promises. Friend, good luck.Just don't give up yet. Like I said,you deserve better!

Nothing-ness.

2010-04-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

Oh.I hate holidays. I really hate it. The weather isn't doing me any good. First,it's damn hot. Pipe water can burn hands. And...I thought I could at least have a walk at pasar malam to feel better. It started to rain. WT!!...ok...wat else. And I'm getting frustrated again. I need a job. But,I have too many restictions that made it quite impossible. People might think that, I didn't even look for it. I won't explain, cos they wouldn't understand. I've done my best. I only have endless restrictions and I seriously hated that. I've talked to *MOE,he made me feel better. He said it was because I'm still at a diploma level, I don't have to feel too guilty about not working to make me feel better about feeling useless. But I still hate the fact that I'm wasting time. I know I have to work to get things I want. I didn't want to whine and complain about things I couldn't have. I want to earn it, work for it. Because things that come easily will easily drown us. But sometimes, I do wish I could succumb to a spoilt life like some people.To laugh like mad and have all the fun I wish even for a day.To study course I wanted. To do things I like. To have the things I wish for. To have my dream car. WTF? Okay,I'm just imagining...for pleasure only. I'm more matured than that. Yeah,that is how frustrated I am. Thats what I'm looking forward to..a better life. I want to build my life. Mom and dad, I wish I could just get some support at least. Take me seriously . I know what I'm doing. Give me a chance I deserved. I've proven myself. Don't you think it's time for me to take another step forward even if there are chances to fail? I'm afraid to fail. But if that makes me a better person,why not?

Spell it out for me.

2010-04-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Blahs. Why did I went into this in the first place. Fate? God ,if you can tell me that this is what you've plan for me, I would believe in you and try my best to hold on. But,my foolish insecurities are making someone suffer. I truly doesn't want this to happen. But in the same way,I hate to ignore it because I believe,we should address the problem as soon as possible so it doesn't pile up and become as high as the sky-scappers and then only to call it quits when it is oh well ..too late. By then ,we will be crushed to the max,and little possibilities to stand up again. Am I thinking too much again? Why isn't not a give and take? It supposed to be right? If you can wait and see me learning to open my heart.

AFA, here I come.

2010-03-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

Chosen my path. No turning back. No regrets. Gonna miss my bunch of friends who has helped me so much along the way. hurmmm.................another thousand miles won't kill ryte?

Another step forward...

2010-03-17T00:19:00.000-07:00

Meet Juliet.;)

There Juliet's first picture. Unfortunaly,Romeo ran away before I was able to keep memories of him.Oh,guy! Hope you are still having a great time out there. I knew he doesn't like Juliet and me..=( it's okay,I still have Juliet,and I'm gonna get a friend for her soon. And I'm going to change her name as well. I promised~^^*thanks Miow for the suggestions*. I'm happy she eats a lot, very active. In fact, she is better at socialising than Romeo.haha.

I am supposed to get started with my Tamadun Islam .I'm stuck at Kuliah 5. Duh,there is a test tomorrow. But I can't help it,I have a private moment with my pc now and all I wanna do is blog. So,this is it!

It was just like yesterday when I 1st entered college to start my diploma. It was just like yesterday,when I felt like a total loser, living everyday with uttermost regrets. It was just like yesterday...I lost my pink stuffs. It was just like yesterday, when I felt like I was against the world. It's almost 2 years had pass me by...I was grateful to have went through lots of things. Some impossible ones. I remembered how I have swore to myself to pass through this difficult path, to keep on going, to keep on studying,to secure a better life.

Life is much better now. I'm having some of the best people around. I am thankful,and grateful. I'm a fool to have not seen that earlier. I really can't imagine live without these people who constantly get you mad,crazier, make the ultimate jokes .Life is not all about 'myself' or 'ourselves'. I am nobody without them.

So here I am again,about to make another BIG STEP FORWARD. I'm going to graduate soon. And I'm going to continue my Advance Diploma. Thing is..there are different routes which most of us have to take. AFA or AAC. Thats what most of us are thinking right now. AAC may be a safer route to take. AFA is a bit tougher. AFA require us to sit for college exams as well as external papers at one go. Superb. If I'm going to take that route,I have to well..triple my efforts, cut down blogging, cut down tvs,cut down fb...oh god. for the sake of passing this . My sis,I can say she did fairly well in her external papers. And I tried my best to bear with her tensions. Stress weh. I know. So, I am still considering. 80% of me is deciding to go for AFA but I do doubt myself . My abilities to take stress. But still I wanted it. Have to be mentally prepared for the ultimate extreme stress. Have to make up my mind by 17th of April 2010. 2 years.... Can I take it??...

Stupid brain.

2010-03-09T09:14:00.000-08:00

You know what? I been dying to ask you this...but what is the point. You won't admit it anyway. And I sometimes,occasionally really hate it because my instincts are freaking true. Give yourself some time. Give me some time. Don't live your life with regrets. I know what you feel. You still can't get that off your mind. And ..I can't get this off my mind too. Pathetic but true. Take the time I have given you. Tell me..the truth.

brain fog.

2010-03-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

Results out. It's not good, not bad. Just a little dissapointment, I guess. So,...I'm living in a brain fog now. Unsure what to feel. Headache. Moodless. I feel I can do better than this. For me,this is a failure. I am not satisfied.

Mercy.

2010-02-28T22:32:00.000-08:00

I'm begging you for some mercy. Learn to talk,please...

imperfection.

2010-02-24T23:25:00.000-08:00

It all happened too suddenly. Glad everything returned to normal. 14th February was not okay..so is the 15th,16th,17th..so on..but everything is fine now.I hope you are okay too. Really. Who's fault was that. I don't want to know anymore,it isn't important now. Misunderstandings I hope it was. I don't know.Partly..it was my fault.MINE...no..not partly..overall? Hurm~
I'm really not good at this, will not be..anytime soon. Selfish me...I was...and I'm still am..I may lose someone dear to me, due to my own fault. I have no courage to do this. I have so much things to do, so much wants..so much to think. I may lose someone I care so dearly,I may bleed inside like hell..but I don't even have the courage to cry...that is how imperfect I was. Imperfect!
I don't always have my way all the time.Mostly,actually...I am frustrated when I can't have things my way. And to have things my way,of course I have to be someone capable of standing on my own. I don't wanna lose now. Some people around me do not really understand why I take life too seriously.Maybe...they were mostly born with 'silver spoon'. I'm not that lucky, like others..I have to work extra hard to achieve what I want.
Things are so unstable lately.I afraid,of losing something when I got something else. Why is it so hard? Sometime I even wake up from my sleep and wonder why am I here. Sometimes,I'm sick of people's expectations around me. Sick of everything. So bothered that I forgotten what I want in the 1st place. Sometimes,I'm afraid of letting people down. Give me a break people.

Something isn't right.

2010-02-10T07:00:00.001-08:00

What is wrong with you?? The fact that i did not know anything freaks me out and it makes me wanna cry. What can I do to help? Knowing very well I can't. I hate this feeling.='(

He said...

2010-02-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

He said that he will lead me all the way,
that everything will be okay
because he will be here every single day.

He said, I can call him whenever I needed him,
he will watch every step I take ,
and catch me whenever I fall.

Years passed by,
And I wanted to fly,
I feel that I need him less,
I told him to let me go.

But I do fall off sometimes,
and he is still there...
offering his hand to mine,
with a smile that will light up the gloomiest day.

But,I still doubt.
doubted that he loves me,
he never say that to me.
how will I know?

It's alright ...
I never told him that either.
But did he know?

I send a short message to him this morning.
I said, Happy Birthday! Have a nice day!
Mwahhhks!=)
maybe he will know?hehe~
Happy Birthday Daddy!

Look! It's my DAD!
I wanted to find the most handsome picture of him. But this was the first I saw...and it turns out that I don't have to find anymore. Maybe he is handsome after all..isn't he?

Yea...learnt some lame thing today.^^

2010-02-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

I finally learned some lame thing today. It is lame , I know, but as I'm no computer savvy...I am really happy that I learnt it today from a good friend of mine. Teng Fung!! Thanks for being patient enough to teach me step by step.hehe..yalar belanja u lar...LOL...
I thought posting an image was just having to press that 'printscreen' button and paste it..but I just can't and started to get frustrated. However, with a will to achieve..haha, I managed to get a very useful knowledge today.Laugh all you might...yea,I'm not good at everything.

So, this is it! Tadah~~I learnt to paint. That is an image of my restaurant,"De'Beers" in facebook, and my nine workers...who are very very hardworking because the boss feeds them every single day,365days a year, with an exception,they will have off day when the boss is having examinations .^^

Welcome to De'Beers!

And this image down there was a 'proof' that TF made...I told him to upload it..haha.for testing purpose..but i don't think it can be seen clearly...The examination release date for us, 2nd year Business students is 8th of March 2010!
OMG!Doomed....

....okay that is all for today.I love to learn new things. I have hunger for knowledge. Is it good or bad??haha,you judge.

My stomach is making lots of noises already...........herm..fried rice anyone?

If you don't wana talk.

2010-01-29T21:03:00.001-08:00

What is the point talking about it when you never listen? Let us all just shut up and maybe when you finally decide to talk, it will be all too late.

I don't mean to whine....but...

2010-01-27T06:40:00.000-08:00

If you wanna know, I have just celebrated my 2010 New Year. Cheers...no?
I have just done my killing. Yes,killing my 6 papers that doesn't seem to entice me at all since the very first week. But,I finally tried my best to understand them,really..not love at first sight. Like the malay proverb,"tak kenal,maka tak cinta." You will never ever love one thing until you get to know them. Like very other semester I made a promise to myself to start earlier...but things will never go my way all the time.
Dah,tadah..bla bla...whatever it is..it's over ryte??.I deserved to chill. So, chill. To be honest, I'm worried about MA a lot...theory part like the chinese say "chui sui"...means BS la...I done it a lot of times..this time no exception. Dear markers, please be lenient. I hope. *my wishful thinking* Same goes to PA..I never loved it . Sorry Ms Jessie. And FAP too...
Darn it!...lets not talk about exams..talk about now. I have so much to say.......so much..but seemed to have throw it in the recycle bin right after exams. Nevermind,give me a minute. Oh yeah, New Year.Let's just talk about the new year. 2010,I went to Curve for the countdown. I love Bukit Bintang a lot but my mom was hesitant to go there. First,it's the jam, second will be the drowsy kids there.Yeah, so...Curve,Damansara was the final choice. The concert there was better than previous year in 2008 *2009 I went Sg Wang* The kids there are more decent ,except for some guys..trying to get too near..beware...!! But..the crowd there was amazing. I losed my parents minutes before 2010 arrives..so i was busy searching for them,I was pushed back into Ikea, and decided the best way was to just stay in there...and ended up 'listening' to the fireworks instead. great.wat a new year to begin with....It's okay,something different at least.
Thinking back, Itried to summarize the whole 2009. What I've learned,what I've achieved,who I've met....and most important of all.....how it had all changed me. I have changed,slightly i guess. For better or worst,I don't dare to say. Good thing is, I find smiling easier. The bad thing is, I am worried that I might take everything too easy till I forget what is my main aim in life. Yes, I am a human too,I tend to have to much fun at times. But, best year so far..2009.Too much happenings, too much. Almost too much for me to take at times. Things happen for reasons...and I guessed I've learned so much, I feel glad.
Happenings like,friends hooking up*in a good way*,outings ,normal jokes and other lame stuffs are some of great moments. While...yea, some do fall out of love...conflicts, tests...are some of erm not so good lar. Well well, it is still the best year out of my 19th years of living on this earth. However, things would not be so much better if these important people weren't in my life. You should know who you guys are. *Ask me if you must*
I wish the best for every single person on earth,those suffering from natural disasters, I really send my condolences. I hope everything will cure as time passes...rebuilt and continue to be strong to faced whatever that might happen. I hope it is not too late to wish every single friends to have a better yaer ahead in 2010 and all the best in achieving good results that will possibly be out in a month's time. I also wish, this year I will continue to learn and never stop learning about life. I want to love life. Wao...that is so many wishes...I'm not greedy okay.....just....a little more excited.
Hopefully all my friends and I are able to go to the next round. Yeah, we are going to graduate this May, or June. Hope everything goes well...and continue our respective journey. Give ourselves a chance to have faith in ourselves. For now,I'm living with this,'Never hit the breakes!' Even if you have to, make it worthwhile . Last but not least, an early wishing towards a "Prosperous Chinese New Year!

huhu~T__T

2010-01-06T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'm driving myself mad again. Exams is well... 1 week away...I can't believe the urge to study haven't strike me yet. Meteor...strike me so I can start study!
Feverish a few days back...not a nice feeling. And...GOD please oh please..let me have my appetite..at least till the end of my exams...my brain needs food. Bell..start study larrrrrr~~~

Meteor!-13th Dec 2009

2009-12-14T01:03:00.000-08:00

Okay..yeah....a time to blog! Duih.What a Sem! Finally...I'm here again..with things to say again...
My first impression on something I've read last Friday on the Star newspaper was..."arh..watevala...won't come out one la...sai hei!" but..then again...I really wanna see it...
I excitedly told my dad about this....and yeah decided that I have to make an effort to see it if I really want to. So,on Sunday night...9pm, I went out to take a look at the sky..so bright...impossible to see it..went in..do some tutorials...10pm. Don't want to look dumb alone sitting in front of the gate, I "ajak" my brother to become dumbos together.*since he so free*. He said we really looked dumb lo...okaylo..then I suggested him to take out the green peas..and sambil wait sambil enjoy the peas lo...*ticktockticktock*..half an hour gone..my bro said if we finished the peas, and not a single meteor showed up..we call it a day...he even throw up the peas in the air and told me to make a wish!*LAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~

*ticktockticktock!arh....I started to get really restless..*not mentioning feeling rather dumb*I said to myself..11pm...meteor ..you don't show up..I'm going off..and you will never see me again..haha~~Then...I decided to just step outside my gate...look up..yeah..aeroplane ..duh! stars...and out of a sudden!! Meteor!!yeah.I actually saw a meteor! Bro saw it too!First time..and yeah we made a huuuhaaaa outside!aiyoks...mom and dad thought we went nuts~~It was 10.48pm. A friend of mine message me a minute later-"u saw that??* I said "Oh Yeah!" In this way..I knew it was not a crazy illusion of mine..I really saw it! OOOppppSss!!How could I forget!! I did not say my wish properly..just mumbles...I don't even remember what! GOSH! It was a fast one...did it pay off?Oh yeah~^^

never happen.

2009-12-06T03:50:00.000-08:00

Somethings will never happen,even how you wish it will happen...you will never always own things you think you love. Get into reality...focus only the important things...don't waste your hope..don't waste your time, on something that is impossible... I'm drowned with my own miseries..don't add in yours...because I'll probably get suffocated and say things I don't mean...don't say I didn't warn you...get a life,and live yours...

stress!

2009-11-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

It's already the end of week 7 of this semester. As usual, I'll be busy-ing with my flooding assignments and it never fails to make me feel like drowning. I'm so stress now. Keeping up with these are not easy, never easy for me. I sometimes feel useless when I don't understadn what FAP tutor is bla bla-ing in front. He looks at me, I look at him...I felt sorry for myself.He is such a good tutor..having a bad student. Coursework 1 spells hopelessness! I hate FAP! I hate accounts! but why i study this subject? I don't know ler...haiz!

PA assignment finally done. CLG is driving me mad! SO many things to read, so many things to write. Not sure whats going in...whatever. I just need to pour out here or else...I be kicking in my sleep...shouting....screaming..in frustration! Thank God I had this blog! Sorry guys, bear with my grumpy-ness these days! And these rainy, gloomy days isn't going to help~I'm going to continue my CLG assignment now.Wish everyone luck staying up late to finish these stuffs! Got CLG replacement tomorrow and GOD! It's another Saturday already! I have been dreaming a lot!! NITEZ~=(

everytime...

2009-11-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

You never fail to make me feel better. I wished you could do this forever, no matter who we will be in the future. I just wish I could just reach to you whenever I need. I wished things wouldn't change and stay as beautiful . How impossible. How complicated. Things wouldn't be as I wanted, no matter how badly I wanted. Whatever it is, stay that way...for now. I wouldn't blame anyone if things change. I'll try to cope, try to build this fragile soul of mine. I believe I've done better now. Someone had told me to change or warned me at least,to be precised. Change for the better, try to look things at a different perspective. I'm trying, though not that hard. I like it that way...it's hard to change. As for you, I felt lucky having a friend like you. You did your best to make me feel better...but all I did was...just mere 'no care' attitude. Ill be that way, for a reason you will know in time to come. Bear with me. You'll never read this..you'll never know what I'm thinking. How sad...

They Made You!

2009-11-03T06:35:00.001-08:00

Haish Haish..Bell Bell...wat is wrong again? Thanks to you lar! I wanted to lash back at you today..unintelligent things you have said today,second thought, I've decided your not worth anything...not even 1 % of my second...Dude...darn it!Live your life~ Now I know you are not worthy~*juz to pour out my annoyance I faced today, ignore me*

results out!

2009-10-21T17:45:00.000-07:00

Should I celebrate this? Should I ?! Yeah..I think I should .NOt only me...of course.WEEEE should celebrate this time! HAish...the only sakit hati part is..I got B+ for english! Although I would like to blame that "someone"..but..it doesn't make any difference...ah! Okay....this is a miracle ...but hard work does pay...!

But, Yeah ..I know..this semester is tougher...I'm getting lazier ...but I can't hit the brakes..I want to accelerate! Friends ...lets accelerate together!^^
Love,
BEll

2009-10-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

Oh...I can't stand these days any longer...What on earth is wrong with me these days? Feel like the earth had even stop turning again. Please please please...install me a new memory!If I can just tell you this....haish~I just know I won't. T___T continue to suffer >.< Focus lar Bell!!!

somethings better left unknown~

2009-10-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

Aiks...just found out something that disturbed me..It shouldn't be...what is wrong with me?!
Why? I wanted to know, I should not wanted to know...wait...I should have not let this curiousity out of hand~Damn it...but why does it got to do with me?Stupid...but everyone has their own histories and stories right?..yeah.I should not be bothered...I wished..I can press the "delete" button in my head, right now~

emo~

2009-10-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

Am I doing enough?
No, I need to compose myself,
Need to find a way out,
But ended up the same ground
round and round.

Am I a fool to think,
It will be over?
When the sun finally kiss my skin?
And dry my tears?
And wish it will turn to bliss?

Is this smiles suffice to hide this pain?
Or maybe you should just show me the way
out in the rain.
You will never understand these scars,
I've carried so far....

I wanna erase these memories,
But what if it doesn't go away,
Hunting me everyday,
I guessed I'll be okay,
A little more time...
It's gonna be okay...
Gonna be okay~

1st October 2009.

2009-10-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

I hope it's not to late to blog about this. Actually, I supposed to prepare for lecture later, but if I don't do this now, I will never will....coz...the next 13 weeks will be super duper busy week! It was already the end of last week of holidays, I felt totally hopeless having to think about things I've never got to do with my bunch of gurlfrens for the past 14 weeks or more in the last semester. So, called up a bunch of friends and woot! guess wat? I did finally had a k-session with them~^^ We had it at Greenbox,Sungei Wang..the VVIPs are...melo,rachel,vivian,winnie,siewkien,kahyi,tengfung and jayson~ enjoy the pics, judge for yourselves!

VV,Winnie,Rachel and me~

Ahha,this is what we've done before the holidays end LOL! Glad that this outing became a reality. Bt honestly,the process was tedious*thanks to Sam who ffk me* but overall was successful ^^

The room was bigger than we expected, comfortable enough for 8 of us!

Sang our heart out for 3 hours, *but not satisfied*, the food was great. I had American Western Food but did not take a picture of it. We were only charged RM13per head including food*one of the advantage of being a student*=)

The fried rice not only looked yummy,it tastes great too!

After,that it was 2pm,still wana sing..but.."kena halau" already. Maybe "someone" voice too loud, the staff even open the door for us to tell us it's time up!Haha~ Luckily we still leave the room or else, we will be dragged out of the room! No choice ler, so ealry kena halau jor...no extend time...wer to go? We then head to Gasoline in Times Squre for a yumcha session~^^

The guys,Jayson and rikisukeomg!

Rachel did looked very seductive!=X

Yumcha and chat till 4.30pm and we call it a day.

WOW! so many pictures we took...but I guessed this is all I'm uploading for now...checkout facebook for more..I did had a great time,not sure about others. Thanks all buddies!weee~~at least a time out before classses starts!

Before I sign off, gonna wish everyone happy going back to college...It's time for another battle! This 6 subjects gonna be quite tough,no choice...kill them!Mwaks!

Love,

Bell~

A LATE MERDEKA!!!!

2009-09-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Done with dreadful papers...I went into the exam hall today, ready to fail...
Don't know what to do at the first week till the 14th week...this last paper was a total failure and yes, I hate it! However, maybe it's luck today to be able to do this alien paper!I have only 2 days to cover the 14th chapters after having Law and TAx paper on the 15th...How possible is that? Well...crazy as it seemed, I went home feeling drowsy,told myself to have a short nap. Ah~waste time, can't even shut down my brain..it will always be on standby mode..until I finish killing...*the papers*
I suppose to go out today~but ..really no mood. Gurlfriends, have fun yea~ and I hopw I'll be able to join you girls next week or so...plus I really need to recharge!haha~
So,now what am I suppose to do?Oh yea, pray hard for the resultsla!
Whatever it is, I would like to thank those kind hearted souls out there for giving me encouragement at the time I was about to give up~I went thru it, and I hope all the best for everyone. My mind is coming to a shut down, can't write much...so....zzzzzzzz~

Exam Fever!

2009-09-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

Heh, relax.I'm not talking bout having fever here. At least the fever is gone 2 weeks before exams. And this time around, been really busy studying * and a lot of hair pulling*. Heks..Omg! I'm so stressed now. 2 papers gone, it's 4 more papes to go. Next Monday, having MIS paper..all the computer stuffs...not my cup of tea. I have no mood to study now. So, it's time to play Restaurant City in Facebook. Actually, I been sitting here almost the whole day,I'm feeling really miserable now allowing the time pass by without revising. HEng! MIS suppose to finish earlier, but when i looked back I realised...I had deleted it from my brains completely! Next Tuesday ...have to keep my fingers crossed..Deadly papers! Biz Law in the morning, TAx in the afternoon,tell me how bad is dat? Last paper will be MAF, on the 18th of September. This is the toughest paper this sem. I hate it! Don't understand anything of it. I don't wish to fail thou.So I had only 2 days to revise an alien subject with 14 chapters. I'm so doomed!

I really can't wait to finish killing these papers and by 18th of September, I'll screamed out loud the word "merdeka"!!! It's been a tough sem...My batterry is running out! Alright...to all of my dearest friends out there, good luck in your coming papers, easy to be said than done."Don't Give Up!" At least before you give up, do try your best!!
Enough of lepas geram here...its 12.57am. To make up for wasting time the whole day like a zombie...I *think* I will stay up late ...till the wee hours, *rather stay out clubbing*=X...to study of course...okay~bye for now..last words..."BEH TAHAN ARGHHHH!!!!!!" curtains down~

*don't miss me too much, be right back after exams*,cont....-*if I'm still alive*
Love, Bell~

Best Day of the month~31 July 2009

2009-08-03T09:03:00.000-07:00

Finally , after weeks of crazy assignmetns and deadlines,*still working on it*, I finally went out for a movie and sushis with this 3 friends.
I did't not expect to go out lar, it just came so *on the spot*. But damn a lot of procedures, noe wat i mean ,haha~

Thanks mom and dad, for suddenly agreeing on this. Perhaps they saw me pulling my hair out the other day and decided to let me had some fun ^^
And so this the thing, they were so excited, but me in fact feeling so bad . There were time constraint and all, coz Rachel and I decided not to skip lectures, Biz Law wei, where can skip?
Plus all the rushing and stuff , we ate sushis at 1U and watch The ghosts of Girlfrens Past.LOL , is that the name ? so long wan the name ,i don't bother to remember, sumore so tired like hell!~

Less hyper la, drained out of energy already ma, but,this was the best day in July. Teik Ghee was the man of the day, coz he treated us sushis and movies and even drive us back and flo. Seriously , I felt so bad, having him rush.
Wong, you look so cool , with your A-levels results coming out soon. I wish you best of luck.No, you won't fail physics. Never, you are crazily genius enough for physics!
p.s- thanks Teik Ghee for rushing me home before 9.30pm or I'll have a house arrest for the rest of my life!hahaha~*over- exaggerating*XD and best of luck for your Project Managing paper. Call me for your good news^^

I need SPEED!

2009-07-30T02:29:00.000-07:00

Pheww~ guess wat?! 30 JULY 2009, I finally had the chance to experience what is it like trying out an auto car.Damn easy! Juz that, I keep it slow coz i know the owner is sweating...hahaha~Telling me to turn the steering more ,slow down,yeah..I will try to improve..best thing is, I DRIVE AGAIN!!! I love the feeling of being behind the wheels...as if i can drift LOL~kiddin...i'm seriously joking. If Loong Ger saw this,he will not let me drive his baby again...so..hehe,parking next time?
Actually, I doubt myself...but i love challenges..so,I always bug Loong ger to let me drive his baby...finally he say yes wor..I tot I joking oni ma..but drive lor..around only lar..not scared but..worried..got 3 other lifes wei, not sked ar?
But guess wat? Teng Fung still can play cubic cube in the car next to me..Rachel sumore say want to try, and only ah loong sat behind to instruct me.I can do it lar..happy happy today!!
Thanks guys=)

Webs!!

2009-07-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

Eww~webs here and there...It's like I just woke up from a grave..LOL no..a dream that took a million years.
First and foremost, sorry for not abandoning my blog for almost ..I don't know how long...1 month?..not sure...and thank you for my loyal supporter who mind visiting this full of webs site even I did not update..especially..u know who you are la..haha~*lollipop-ing*

Haish...almost 1 month, been busy like crazy.Tensions built-up on the way..but..but..seriously, I enjoyed it..yeah~ It's almost crazy with ongoing deadlines lurking, tests which seem so innocent but kill us silently contributing a good 40% to the final examination. LOL~Lucky...tips here and there help us to survive. After a few weeks of working and doodling in front of my idiot pc, finally 2nd assgnment finished! English finally printed. Tests finally half gone...Hooray! I wanna shout out loud! Been working on mIS assignment, its been crazy too...
And after so many of crazy zombie weeks of repeating my ridiculous routine, I came down with a flu again. This is the first time I got sick twice in exactly 2 months. The haze is bad, and I can even taste the smelly air when I open my mouth to yawn, *YAWNS* YUCK~y...

This month had been the most buziest, but seriously, I enjoyed every moment, treasure every second and felt happier after so long. Yeah, I have been accepting the fact that people can change fortnightly...even it doesn't make any sense. I have begun to give people chances to show me the real world. It sickens me, freaking me out...but I'm coping. I have to...What an alien!

Okay...would like to thank my parents. I love travelling...if I don't start puking on the way...
I told them that I wanted to go for a trip to Melaka. I went there when I was about 7 years old, and I missed that place. Place of much history, much brought down memories. I am tottally fascinated with the BABANYONYA lifestyle although it is not much conserved this days. So, we went there for a 1 day trip. The whole trip, I was a total zombie. I was so tired, I sleep all the way there, drop by grandma's house in seremban, then slept again, had lunch, slept again...until we reach Melaka,LOL~

And, I did something I wanna do so long, I did rock -climbing...haha~ Just a mini one but satisfying enough for now. Thanks to Sam for inviting me to join on the spot ~LOL! I hesitated at first, coz I'm kinda scared I won't be able to do it. And then, Thanks to June as well, she promised to climb first, then I have to follow..haha~that was fun,really^^

Erm, oh my...time is running, Loong Ger is coming earlier later we are going to have brunch with rachel before we head for lectures LOL~ISh..feel so sleepy now, gotta drink my coffee and swallow my Vitamins...

Sorry for talking too much without any pics, I promise I did take a lot of pics lately, but had no time to upload it....Next time..a sure thing. Got to get going...until then, miss you all~

RIP ,MJ~

2009-06-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

A sudden wave of sadness hit me when I heard the news on the national radio early this morning,Michael Jackson had passed on...Yes,no mistake ,unless this is a joke,*I hope*our one and only 'KING OF POP' has passed away on 25th of June 2009.Remembering back ,he was our idol,possibly everyones's idol...even from our parents' generation,he is a legendary in this big wide world ...ask anyone,anyone at all...that have been a normal person since he or she was born in to this world,they should ,sure know MJ...
I can't help it,I remembered ,we learn to appreciate his songs...or even his 'moonwalk' when we watch his videos.I even remembered , when I did spent the holidays in my cousin'd place,he used to play MJ's video, and even replayed one part of the video ,*i don't remember which one exactly* but it was the scene where MJ jump on a car and zipped up his zipper.Why,it is not funny now?Most important of all,it grew up with us,it is so hard to accept this news.I know the rest of the world would hit by this shocking news later in the afternoon,or night~
I regretted having to hear various news on this Pop King during his not so good stage of life.He had a sad childhood and then he grew famous,and even got into several court cases regarding child molestation.I bet all of this are a mere bad intentions of some uncivilised parties who are dying to earn fast bucks.I felt sorry for him.Watch him grew and fall...and..now ,gone.It's a great loss indeed.
Whatever it is,MJ will live...in our little hearts.Lets say a little prayer for him.Rest In Peace,MJ~

Lurve you dad!

2009-06-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

Dad,you might not have the chance to read this,but..haish.Tomorrow is Daddy's Day~I feel so hopeless now.So occupied with my own troubles...didn't say these 3 words to you for so long...maybe you will never know...maybe I never will~But..I LOVE U every single day...of my life even ur rules seem unintelligent to me sometimes...
I know you sensed I was not happy,but..I'm totally fine...this route is hard,but I'm hanging on~please hold on to my hands and lead me on...
I love you dad...and you better know that..Happy Puppy's Day!~
Wishing all dads a wonderful day...everyday~^^

Oh No! Burning out!

2009-06-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

It's Flyday...YAhoo!But ..damn maybe it's the rain ,maybe the pressure,the stress and everything that had been bothering me lately made me sick!I'm down with a sore throat ,a mild one..and a flu.Oh no..shit!This can't be..I can't be sick now..NOT NOW!!Assignments been hunting~Okay think positive..right. I'm expecting a really sexy voice tomorrow or so..so,I should be grateful,YEAH!Or..maybe...become tottally mute tomorrow.Thank GOD,it's Saturday tomorrow and I really need some serious sleeping. I'm having sleep-deprivation! or ...maybe excessive sleeping,I don't know !I don't care! I just need some sleep!

Aww~today got every chance I had to get the power nap while lecture,can't hold my head up!Duh,having headache.Then wake up,realised i had a mile sorethroat.Cry out loud,I should have.I kept drinking water,keep visiting the loo...Stupid..now only start drink water,no use...sai hei la..went home and shower ,straight go to slumberland~and juz about to doze off,thinking too much,maybe...dreams again~Everything seem like summary of the day...my friends talking,lectures...can't think anymore...zzzzzzzzz~

Hah~I said I would write something good this time...must fulfill~Nothing much but...nice one.Yesterday,had 4 hours break coz MAF tutorial cancelled,went to Monkey's place haha*hope she doesn't read this*and force her to put in many many sad songs for me...haha,emo-ing la,wat else?Then Jia Yit keep finding happy songs for me and scolding Siow Chin for introducing me sad songs...hahaha~like I know what the songs means,duh!Thanks both of you for making me delete most of my songs from my MP4 to put in new songs!Deleted some Jay Chou's old album..huhu T__T but..these new songs very 'lam' ah..so thanks a lots!^^Okay skip this part...

12.30pm,hungry ler me, wanna eat that cheesy wedges!Went Jusco lo...*skip this part*...Having MIS lecture at 2 duh! Take cab ler,malas to walk la...Ah, got taxi there...then this guy came and open the taxi door straight away...I was like...'wat the!'okay~then I heard him asking the driver TAR college?yeah , I should have known better..Tarc students got their own signature face ler...*apart from me la,hehe*So..since same destination,we go together lo~Then I ask him whether he like to stop at back gate or front,he said he had no problem with both...so since DKB o...back gate lor....shuang dao..no need walk so far ler.Arrived finally...RM 3.40 ar?how to kira wor?I calculate ler...haish 90sumething cents for 1?aiks headache! Dun wan calculate.."how muc ler?"I asked...He smile and say..."it's okay...no problem"..wat u mean no problem?U have problem calculating too?no..that not what he meant,he say no need pay lo...Wah...really bo?Then I say.."No,wait..." But this gentleman ar..he say no need wor...U sure?He say Yea... and just continue walking ....My friends and I exchange glances...We were all spellbound .Eh,still got so nice people in this world?My friends also don't believe...yalar...wer can believe people so easily now er?Suan...this guy..memang good one...at least he left good impression la,so I'm keeping this good impression. I remember he was wearing a yellow shirt,a black bag...but..his feature was a common clean-cut guy,with glasses.Hmm~not sure if we'll meet him again..or if I would recognise him but...at least,we know he's a Tarcian ...thats all about this stranger...God bless him please =]

Went to lecture ler...sit behind lor...MIS so boring...Aiks...finished around 4pm.God loves me..raining jor...didn't bring umbrella..Lucky Jia Yit lease to me ,FOC...but..jia guo..oso get wet coz not enough energy to open the stubborn umbrella,the bus came ..so just run there ler...so 'LUCKY'this people ar..go up bus only take time to find money.LOL~what to do..stand outside lor..enjoy showers of blessing~and the CONCLUSION...sick jor ~Ahhhhhhhhh~~~ah ChEeee!

Okay ...that is for 3rd week...and seriously,I am burning out.Subjects this sem are going to be dead tough and sadly...I know...I won't be able to do it..I know..I just know it. I'm on my own now.Growing up is a pain.Despite,assignments overflooding soon, me..wanting so much to watch The Last Vampire,and of course 17 Again...another must watch movie!And...of course...FA assignment,a 'Must do' priority. Another ..Tax,'Must understand' subject.Law,a 'Must memorise' sections.DUH! DUH!Urm ,okay mom...don't worry...I'm gonna take my panadol soluble and I'm gonna recover soon enough*she just called from Ipoh*.And before I start doodling my 5cm-thick textbook,let me listen to one last song~singing"Everybody!Put up your hands say I don't wanna study law,I don't wanna study law!"*to the tune of Good Charlotte-Say I don't wanna be in love.

Stepping forward...

2009-06-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'm finally done with my first dreadful week.Not so bad ler...Business Law is what I expected it to be,definitely an alien language,definitely a killer subject.Basic Tax was no better,though the lecturer was a sweet one...I find it rather confusing ...and I'm wondering if anyone else is as blur as me.Anyone? I guess it's just me. I'm feeling so hopeless,moody. And this confusions isn't doing me any good. My temper got worse lately.Ugh! Big Time! Sorry ..if anyone out there became my prey last week and these few days...especially this guy,again...I'm very sorry.*he never will read my blog though*.But having ur butterfly clip pulled out from ur hair especially when you require a good 15 minutes to put in on was really...ugh! You know what I mean..If I'm lucky,5 minutes will do...but...apparently...seldom~So..my hair..don't touch! And there the other one...ugh!why ?why !on earth would you asked me questions you know I can't answer?!!? So..I'm not in the mood to answer your *somakingpeopleblush* questions. Maybe other time...I'll probably come up with better answers to make you stop asking.*ergh!!regretted not punching you*

Yesterday,was on Basic Tax lecture and our sweet lecturer definitely tried her very best to explain things..sections and yeah...duno wat Para28..wateva!And then students started to flood her with questions during break time.Poor lecturer...our minds went too far*as she said*and made ourselves confuse by thinking too much.Haha.I didn't...In fact,I had no idea what the whole thing is all about!What's up with the so many sections thingy?!And who cares how many days we stay in the country?And..and...why more than ..less than 182 days?!OMG!who on earth set this rules for me to remember?Haha...maybe my mind was the slowest in the hall..not working,*severe brain damage,maybe*Everyone else was asking question I don't understand what they don't understand...what is wrong with me?!Owh...I'm doomed~

And...yeah...I probably have less time to blog now...maybe this is the last..for now...I don't know. Entering Business Law on 9.30...Bell,open ur eyes! God...I pray..pray for a strong tutor to lead us this blind road... I'm hanging on now...but I don't know how long...

Got to get my butt outta here now,it's frezzing cold in this library. I'll hope to crap better stories the next time I write...for now..bear with my frustrating stupid tales.
P.S:Don't miss me!=]

SOBS...

2009-05-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

Got my 3rd sem results on Wednesday....I supposed to jump on my feet and celebrate...I got As for both papers...definitely not like me. Expecting a B+ for OHR paper since there is one question I tottally crap out.PF ,I had no idea...no doubt,I was quite surprise*but I secretly wondered if they have made a mistake*shh~

But have you ever believe,everytime a good news comes...there's a sad news? I wouldn't want to believe it...but for me it always been this way...
One of my friends have to pick a different path and that means...hanging out with less one person in my group of friends...It will take some time for me to get use to it..but I know I have to accept the fact...the way I wanted her to be strong.We will always fell that abscence of her...and will miss the time we had together...Ice-creams,Mc Donald,KFC... Luckily...had the chance to have lunch with her before she go...and send her till LRT station...

I don't want to write anymore...damn sad ler~Wish her the best of life and hope to meet her again...=[ *gonna miss you so much gurl~*

The next 14 weeks...

2009-05-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Today,I be going back to college after almost a decade having holidays.Holidays this time aren't that bad coz despite the recession,I have been spending more than I thought.Of course..I'm under control...I'm buying now coz I know the next 14 weeks would be a great mental and physical torture and I am doing it to store as much endorphins and other good feeling hormones in my system.But I know I'm gonna use it up in just on week...yeah one week or two is enough to drain me. Yes..I am that weak..or lazy perhaps.

But when college starts ..I would probably think twice before buying. It's hard..I think I should start to hate this one word that is almost everywhere=SALE!. I hate SALEs!!!NO ,second thought it's damn hard to hate this word...yesterday was my last day to shop and I only bought a few things...that is necessary. And spent my time at the car exhibition in Curve,Damansara longer than I should coz my dream car was waiting for me there...as fair as always ...I peered into the window...so wanted to test drive..Ergh!And there was other cars too...but not so interested...

And so,the next 14 weeks...having 6 subjects..have no idea how deadly it is this time...but my Sis warned.."This 6 subjects are tough"yeah I know... what to feel?And when the day after tommorow comes...I feel like puking already ...results...I should have got use to that ryte?Nope,not at all!

Long Lost ~

2009-05-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

Goth-Ticks

As the music plays,
My pearls starts falling,
Like river flows,
With no curfews,
No conclusion,
Because everything is in dead silence,
Come on…its not like we’re dead,
Pour it out before it is too late…
The deadly weapon,
Slitting through my skin,
In a minute or two,
There will be no more pain,
I know you think its lame,
But its definately not plain…
What do you wish to see,
When you wake up next morning,
the pitch dark parade,
Or the bright sun shades,
Its your heartless words,
Not the blade,
Which pierced through my heart,
And made it sink down the seabed…
Its everything in my head now,
There is no use turning back,
Because its too late,
Farewell…let us just bade…

Got nothing to do....

browse throuhg my friendster profile and realize how dead it had been...

browse through my dumb blog in there and wanted to delete it...

but second though,I might just leave it that way...some things can't be erase just pressing the "delete"button...

took out this poem form my old blog...

written it when I was.."duno what I was thinking"

enjoy it...if u can~

The Rain~

2009-05-13T01:22:00.000-07:00

As the saying goes...'Absence makes the heart grows fonder'...I could agree..for now.If you've been living in klang valley,definitely you will notice how hot the weather has become,and it's driving people crazy! To make things worse...it is like that for 2 weeks or more without a drop of rain! Fortunately...today,the sun suddenly decides to give way to the clouds...

I missed the rain,very suprisingly,I miss the way it fell on my skin,the way it makes me wet,the way it drenched my clothes and the way it made me sneeze.Today,I felt it again.I can't believe how good it felt to feel the rain water on me again...and it was raining cats and dogs!! Don't get me wrong ...I did not go out in the rain to play rain water even if I so badly wanted to...I was taking in all the clothes just in time...when the rain suddenly gets so heavy I stood there to watch the beauty of the rain and breath in some air and enjoying the sound of the rain falling....
And the rain just stopped ...I wish it would rain again tonight,when I sleep...hopefully so I could sleep well tonight and not have yesterdays' nightmares...wat if it really happens?! I'm terrified!

Holidays!!

2009-05-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'm better at playing peek-a-boo!

stealing the pao.haha~

Oops! I did it again...started to abandone my blog...sorry to whoever out there who checked out my blog and find the same old boring posts...my apology~fortunately,I am back ..and yes with something to write...

Exams were over a week or so...was feeling off with an "exam fever" but felt so much better now! Strange but true...I don't really fancied holidays...no,not long ones...2 weeks is more than enough. I tend to feel too lazy to do anything adn tend to think too much...like..'what was I living for?'...Like I said...I will fall to a lazy mode and find life boring...

But,one day after the last paper,albeit feeling super exhausted from the exams,my family decided to go up Genting.Went up there about 11.30am, and checked in about 1. Glad my siblings and I decided not to spend our time in the theme park*got bored with the things there already*and I think I would throw up if I go up the 'space shot'!.Instead we walk around the big shopping heaven,mom and dad went to shop for shoes while I just walk around blurring..half -sleeping.Then about 5pm dad sugested we take the bus to a temple 2 to 3km away,if I'm not mistaken,it's called Chin Swee Temple. Boy,I wished the trip was longer coz I almost doze-off in that 15 minutes ride. But,no regrets,the air was cooling there. We walked around,and then it started to drizzle a little bit. We did not get the chance to check out the whole place but the place was beautiful and peace. Went back to First World and had our dinner.Glad I was already able to eat!^^
After dinner ,walk around again...before calling it a day. Hate to take bath coz it was cold and it is almost not necessary to bath but have to..hmm~Got to bed almost immediately,passing the whole day almost without knowing what was going on*still on a blur mode*Unfortunately,I did not get a good night sleep,I always don't especially in foreign places. I kept waking up ,wondering where I was!

Rest of the weeks were fine...bored!And finally Saturday,went to cousins' place,force him to let me play 'left4dead' and check out some of his animes.Sunday,went down Seremban to visit my granma. She made 'paos' for us...and I can't stop wondering how she is going to continue living in that old flat with mosquitos constantly attacking our blood veins! Solute!Brought in a mosquito in our car on the way home despite rushing in the car and shutting the door as fast as lightning. And ..it ended up dying in my hands,with my blood of course!

And oh! Yesterday,Tuesday was the best day of my holidays till now. Went shopping in Sunway Pyramid...Ooh~which girl on earth wouldn't love that! Need a dress for my cousin brother's wedding that is around the corner so thats a good excuse for shopping ryte?Instead..yeah,end up with other clothes as well...gonna feel guilty till next month~~But,duh!how good it felt! How often I get to do this?!And, and Guess what?!! If anyone of you been following this reality program 'One In A Million',you should know Esther from Sabah. We met her there! At first we just watched her passed by,not sure if it was her,and then when we sat down to rest,again she walked pass..so,my mom was like 'hello ,Esther!'And we shoke hands with her..SWEET!^^Dazzling!

Oh..I love Sunway Pyramid ,it was 9pm so soon and I told my sis that we have yet stroll the whole shopping centre! It was so huge and there are so many things to see and shop! I wish I had more cash..but..fact is I don't!!Nevermind...I shopped within my budget..and I think it's enough ...My dad commented,"I can see you look happy today~" haha~~why shouldn't I be?Give me more $$ and I'l be happier !LOLxxx~

Bell...control~

2009-04-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

Bah...it's been 2 days in a row...My mood swings.Duh! And the rain...
Almost lose my temper today,a sincere apology,but I did my best not to speak too much when I'm angry,but some people are really good at heating up your blood to the boiling point and almost blow up your veins...

Luckily,GOD created ice-cream.Cooling my system down again...Nice ~and luckily GOD created my friends,we laughed at nothing but silly jokes...and sharing that cup of mango-soya,guava-mango ice,haha^^
And..I would like to thank them ...because of constant 'yumcha' session,I'm actually gaining weight!wee~~

And..finally..exam slips came to me...having 2 "ambigous' subjects! I don't know how to describe it but...OHR paper,I am seriously not sure whether to believe Sir or not.This term-'no return' and 'I don't "yam" people one' scares me a lot! How true is that?and another'read for fun'?Okay~he may think that it makes people have sweet dreams at night but...I'm worried.Plus...another thing that is bothering me,I'm not studying enough yet.Don't know why,I just DON'T!So used to doing thing at the last minute...only to cry blood at the end...Can't pull myself away from watching America's Next Top Model and Janice Dickinson's Modelling Agency.!

To make matters worse,the rain...uh!Yuck~whatever...have to bear with it! I only have a few days to go...and my adrenaline isn't rushing yet...what is wrong with me?!?!

Awesome Nineteen!

2009-04-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

Woot!6 April 2009!Best Burpday ever!Thanking all my besties and everyone who made this so memorable! Did not expect them to do this,but YES ofcz...was touched to tears...*erm ,tissues pls...*Really,....appreciate this a lot!

Wow! They were good at this.A surprise B'day!!Definitely a great and unforgetable 1one! Wanna thank everyone that day for making my birthday a memorable one!What can I say?I'm was speechless and happy^^

My girlfrens n me...n the prezzies^^

Siow Jun,the 'Yeng' one...

Jia Yit,the Q and lovely one...

Julia...the...childish one...

Jas,.....the...the....erm....ET?haha=]

Zi Wei,the Q n Q n Q one!!hehe;]

Peace~^^

Arigatou again...to my besties who bought a Kawaii shirt for me...and yes it was too kawaii...sked it doesn't look good on me,haha..but decide to try on something different sometimes..TQ!!!Thanks again to Rachel n the gang,Winnie,Lee Teng and Vivian,for Edward..haha,I mean the DVD and of course the big poster*now ,Edward visits me in my bedroom every night now~^^*And Michael and Wei Jian,the red hair,thanks for the book...it's all about Edward LOL~Appreciate it a lots....and of cz the Secret Recipe rasberry cheesecake*gonna upload the pic soon...*and..and...everyone with their thoughtful wishes!*sobs*oh..and the KFC !!thanks for allowing us to mess up the place...and most importantly...my family^^Love u guys lotz!!Mwaks!!Not good at expressing myself here~*blush*

Oh...gotta get going...I'm late again!Gonna leave this blog alone for awhile...at least after catching up on some study on OHR and PF!Burpdays over...now...gotta start moving~cz exams haunting !!All the best to everyone who is facing the coming exams!GamBateh!!^^

Love,

Bell.

P.S: I want to quit smoking ...but...

2009-04-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

still puffing away~

Ergh...how many times I said this to myself...that I want to do this...quit...QuiT!!! But...somebody help me please!! I can't! Bell ,QUIT!!QUIT SMOKING!!

Okay~I can imagine your jaws dropping to the floor now.Let me make it clear ..but first...mind closing the gap of your jaws?Thank you=]

Today...took the LRT to terminal and waited for the bus.Glad,wee~there was the sun,there is not many people...I was alone...scared but fine~Then came 2 guys,probably around my age,sat next to me,throwing glances as they settled down.I just continued to engross in the beautiful tune of YUI-Blue Wind.And then...this 2 guys started to smoking...ERGH!!! It happens everytime ! I can't sit and wait for the bus peacefully..I can't stand it..the smell of cigarettes..it makes me want more! I'm ADDICTED!!! I'm tempted!

OH no!..I'm just kidding*compensation on missed April Fool's Day^^*I can't stand it...it suffocates me..I get angry,annoyed to be precise. I decided to sit further away...Then,just 5 seconds passed,came a middle-age man,sat in front of me and started puffing away...ARRRRGGGGH!!!TAK TAHAN LAH!!!!...Turn left...an old man was doing the same...turn right, taxi drivers did the same..LOL,as if I were the only one a non-smoker there!

Then I decided to find a place further away...good. I was separated from these puffers by the soft drink dispenser there...great...and continued listening to my MP4...See why I can't quit,everywhere I go...they were there..puffing away..and puffing out dirty air from their lungs right into our dear fragile lungs!For goodness sake,I totally hate it when I am forced to breath their stinking breath when I was having my meals..DAMN!Polluting the air! I am forced to become a secondary smoker!YIKES!!!YUCKS!!If they just smoke lesser,i believe the air pollution wouldn't be so bad right?To make matters worse,while chatting with a friend just a moment ago,he confessed that he started puffing too! I wonder if he would just quit it before it's too late...

Alright,I can't tell them not to smoke if they want to continue burning their money,blackening their lungs~Okay...since I didn't blog a few days ago,I still remember what I suppose to report to you guys what exactly I did on Earth Hour..yea,that 1 hour.I went back hometown,and I can't tell my grandparents to turn off the lights,so when it was 8.30pm,I was suppose to go to bath..but...remembering the Earth Hour,I decided not to bath first, and convinced my parents that we should go out for dinner instead...So,lights were off...we went for dinner...turned off my handphone for 1 hour.Haha..that was what I did..anyway,my father joked that we did our part by switching off the lights in our home*since we were away*LOL~did that even count?no idea!!

Extra-OrDinary~

2009-03-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

Great day...good weather,the sun shines~ It suppose to be just another day...but finally had a chance to collect my SPM cert with the courtesy of my highschool good friend. Was lucky,it was his last sem break that day. Woot! Haven't seen him for such a long time,it's so hard when someone is so VIP you know...the last time I saw him was in LRT station ,3rd Nov last year. He had losed so much weight,no more the Chubby guy .*he used to have baby cheeks in highschool*.The only thing he still has ,was his sense of humour which never failed to make me laugh*he used to drop by our class and make havoc!haha~juz kiddin*[wink wink]I know why...haha~shh~~

And so, we went to school...nothing much change, really...still the same building, a little renovation here and there, and a lot of unfamiliar faces.Imagine...we used to study here!Our alma mater!Took the cert ..duh!Okay...it doesn't hurt that much anymore.Went hunting for my brother to tell him he won't have to sit the bus that day...he must be so happy^^.On the way leaving, he exclaimed,"Where is the big tree?",there used to be a big tree opposite our front gate of the school,for whatever reason,they cut it down ...so students won't have the urge to take their time off by puffing their cigarettes there,I guessed.

Decided to go for lunch,manage to kacau Racheal at her home beforehand.LOLx~So...if I'm not mistaken,I remembered that this good friend of mine pantang whenever he sees anyone talks while eating. Well ...just to annoy him,I did just that...haha~He didn't say anything! In fact, we just kept chatting...oops!Bad habit~ He insisted on paying for the lunch that day,since he is working...and at the same time being a gentleman...*wao,isn't it hard being a guy sometimes?*I don't know about that!

I really feel bad,coz he caught me looking at my watch a dozen times while eating.Hmm~He just told me to relax...teasing me about being a Cinderella *when midnight strikes thingy?*Just wanted him to know that I'm sorry for being such .."ergh"!and I'm glad meeting him after so long,he still that happy-go-lucky guy!

Okay,let's call it a day.Gotta catch up on my PF.Having coursework next Monday!Haven't understand a damn thing! Again~thanks Teik Ghee for a great day^^

Turn off the lights!! [28th March 2009]

2009-03-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

Only we can save our earth!

Aiks..feeling so lazy to blog...but I have something to say...about Earth Hour?
Yea...I'm suppose to feel guilty here..honestly,I'm not really into this earth thingy...No~Don't get me wrong...I might not be joining any activity that relates to "earth conserving" but...I don't leave my room without turning off the lights...,I don't leave the tap water on while brushing my teeth,*but I take time to wash my hair* LOL~

Oh so...actually,honestly...I have already decided to turn off my lights... on 28th of March in conjuction of the Earth Hour.I was so..urm how to describe?So..."semangat"if that what you decide to call it...However...now,again..I think I would feel guilty again...brr~Okay,how am I to explain this...Imagine turning off the lights and tell your grandpa and granma that the power station have cut off the electricity.Imagine sitting in the dark with them and expecting them to do nothing,their shining eyeballs looking back at you in the dark,and scaring the hell out of ourselves..OMG!I would do just that ,*turning off everything, including my hp*if I were to stay here..but, the thing is..I'm leaving for my hometown...to wateva u call it..not "celebrate"haha but...*i'm trying to find the right term for this,and still trying*[stop laughing Jas,at least help me to find the right term okay?]haha..it's damn funny by the way...oh..I'm going back hometown to ______ "cheng meng"..[pls,help me fill in the blanks with the right term]

Okay,maybe I should just stop finding lame excuses...If I were to turn off the lights,tell me...give me some ideas on what to do...what I should do.Not getting to surf the net in kampung is bad enough...and then this 1 hour...I can't read my Eclipse!!Okay,maybe I have mistaken 1 hour is equals to 60 minutes equals to 3600 seconds for 1 day!Well,it's just 1 hour!
It's not that hard after all ryte?But ...how about granpa and granma?!Okay,they probably think that we ,young people got nothing better to do...nevermind..whatever it is...off my hp,rest my ears from my MP4,turn off the idiot boxand the radio...so.."Bell can't be reach from 8.30pm till 9.30pm on 28th March!"and I'll be back to write about what exactly I did..during that 1 hour!A romantic candlelight dinner maybe?with granpa granma,perhaps?haha~unpredictably crazy!!See ya~Again...support Earth Hour! It's the least we can do to save our EARTH!!!MOTHER NATURE!!!

Like any other day~

2009-03-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

7.52am , to be exact...again I amazed myself.The fact that I don't find trouble dozing off the night before even thought I woke up at about 11am yesterday,and went back for a nap at 2.30pm and woke up to say bye bye to the sun, it was already 7.30pm!Duh,maybe he was right after all,"izit the time of the month?"haha~oh...that explains it all...It drained my energy too...

Feeling so guilty now,for not completing tutorials...laziness is haunting me again!
Can't believe this..My eyes ...feel like going back to sleep again~*yawns*Okay,until now,I didn't receive any message telling me that PF is cancel...so I guess our plan is goin on~~*cheers*mm~~fries at last!*only those who is involved knows what I'm talking about*

Okay~there he is again...I think I can't expect to be alone even at this early hour...*when my eyes are still struggling to open*alright maybe it's the lullaby playing on my friendster profile...can't remember how many dozen times I replayed it...it's so beautiful...very ,very,beautiful...drowning me again and again,and I like the way it drowns me and I feel it ...to the point I felt like I'm in heaven ~*maybe it's just me* It's one of the theme song in Twilight,yes,the vampire movie.It's called Bella's Lullaby ,in actual fact, the title of this song is called "River Flows In You"by Yiruma.It is piano played and that made it more beautiful...
I wanted this song so badly...I want to listen to it every night~*ZiWei~u got that song for me already?*[ I bugged her to get me this song,btw thanks ^^]

I better get going now,having PF tutorial at 10...wait let me check to see if there is 1 miss call or 1 message...haha~I'm LATE!!

L.O.S.T

2009-03-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

Title: L.O.S.T~

Lost myself today,
Trying to run away,
From confusions to illusions.

Went out through a door,
To feel better,
Didn't expect it to become so unfamiliar.

Alone,I was...
Trying to find the answer,
But I can't think any further,
I was almost a loser.

Standing there still,
Not sure if I should follow the crowd,
To get out,
Or take my own path.

But this insecurity,
Made me cringe,
Wonder if I would only run around in circles,
And end up in tears.

Maybe I was lucky,
To have found my way...
Looking at their faces,
This fears went away...

But I am still afraid,
What if I lost myself again?
What if I'll never find my way,
Like today?

~ 5.03pm~

Senses of sorrow~

2009-03-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

Write for fun..inspired by nothing~

Title: Senses of Sorrow~ [S.O.S]

Shh~~
Can you hear it?
It's screaming again...
Banging against this wall,
That is threatening to crumble and fall.

Ouch!
Can you feel?
The throbbing pain,
As it stabs from the inside,
Threaten to creep out,
For the whole world to see,
Everything that is hidden behind these sheets.

Shh~
Don't wake me,
Even when the time is up,
Let me succumb to this fantasy,
This dream that never be a reality,
Can't you see?
I am happy here,
Isn't that what your wishes were?

Ouch!
I saw the pain in your eyes,
When I can't open mine,
Didn't want to realise,
This dream will always be the same,
And I will remain imperfect as I was.
Messed up like always~

So let me continue my dream...
Will you?
It's my heaven for now,
My peace I found,
No matter what the price I have to pay,
I have to stay...
Until one fine day,
When I finally find my way...
And, I hope that you will be there,
To tell me that I am awake,
To help me walk again.

I was tagged~GREAT!

2009-03-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

The rules:
1. Your Name
2. Left handed/right handed
3. Favourite alphabet to write
4. Least favourite alphabet to write
5. Write down “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
6. Name 6 of people you're gonna tag.

1)Belinda Teh Mei Yeng
2)Right..duh~I WAS Left!!My Grandma stopped me!cz it's a "pantang"?
3)Z?
4)none...really~
5)"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."
6)Ah LOOnG,Bong YAng,Vivian,Shaz...I have no idea!

wat is this for?!!no idea!

A blessing or a curse?

2009-03-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

Lucky No.7~

Woot!

Red HOT!UNdeniable~

What did I tell u...it doesn't matter,wateva colour it is..it's adrenaline -rushing

Dark Lady?

Wa!!~Woke up to find PF tutorial cancelled again...izzit a blessing or a curse?

U tell me...Then got so bored ..decided to check out some hot machines...*thanks to Gan* he just perked me up at the right time...LOLx...

Let me tell u a confession of mine....I am actually really envious of Cristiano Ronaldo,the number 7 striker of Man Utd!!Yes..I AM ENVIOUS~Don't get me wrong..I'm not jealous of him coz he got to play football...or having a bunch of HOT chicks running to him anytime he want.I just feel that he is so lucky...even at a young age.It's just so ..UNBELIEVABLE!!!Oh yes!I am ENVIOUS!!How am I not to? All he said when he crashed his 1.6mil Ferrari recently was,"I'm thankful to God that I'm okay."Wao! If I were to meet him..I'm gonna have to ask him if his Ferrari was okay~Do u think his heart even wrecked a bit like his Ferrari?If I was to own one..I'll probably bash my head on the wall for making even the tiniest stratch on it.I know ..I won't have the chance ...*sobs*This guy would probably just get the car for a repair..and TADAH!,he is ready to crash it again...Even if he decides to ditch the hot thing,he had a fleet of cars..so it doesn't matter ...*btw, he had a Rolls Royce Phantom*ERGH!!! As much as I hated him,I loved him too...being labelled as spoilt..with well... good looks*although he don't look good all the time*,I am impressed...won the EPL and European Champions...42 goals!!Okay...man...you deserve it don't you?Ferguson is impressed too,isn't he?Thats why,Cristiano is the best No. 7!*although recently,Liverpool played a different tactic and won 4-1 against them*

Right,enough about Ferraris...I don't quite fancy them anyway,*consoling myself* I preferred FairladyZ...I am uploading some nice pics here to make up for some of the past "emo" posts..."gOmeNasAi~"I hoped I didn't bored u guys out...Come on..admit it! FairladyZs are irresistable right?! To be honest,I don't know much about these machines..but they just got my adrenaline rushing everytime they drift by~Whose fault is that?!Check out these curves, and the RIMS*I mean the car* ,tell me do u feel exactly what I felt?Okay..Imagine if u were a Man Utd fan and I tell you,you got to meet Cristiano in person...how do you feel? A Yeah! feeling!!Thats right!That's what I felt!

So,the conclusion....is this a blessing or a curse?Having to wake up and discovered that tutorials was cancelled?I don't know..and Jas...yes,I remembered the plan we had...guess we had to make it to another day...perhaps it was never meant to be~~*sobs again*

Still breathing~

2009-03-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

The "helper" at Career Fair.

Bell and the gang!Gurl Power!

1,2,3,4,5..eh,wer is another 1?

Seriously...I like this... say CHEEEESE~~~

Jas n I cam-whoring in LRT..=]

I did this...

Jasmine's tag~

Have I been abandoning this space?Jas..ok.I do you a favour by updating it.2nd week,I rated it as 50/50.Lets start with Tuesday..what really happenned?Urm..nothing,tutorials as usual,cracking very lame jokes, and enduring the rain.Wednesday...a lame one...the fact that I used hours to get ready for 2 hours of lecture that day..haha.Thursday...thanks to Jas, I had a chance to glimpse the Career Fair that was held that day...nice day.We became helpers for a minimum of 4 hours , and we did stroll the booths blindly.I think we are definitely not ready yet to start any career anytime soon.We are still infants and actually we just wanted to look around other than collecting various kinds of pens. *I like the pink highlighter*.There are nothing much to do,and what I did was...making new friends.They were a bunch of down-to-earth people and no doubt ,that's what I call modest ,brilliant people.Just to recite-Xue Yi,Kah Yin,Wendy and a few others...*did I even spelled their names correctly?*The day was fine espeacially when our OHR tutor complimented our class for being an "oustanding " group.Wee~that is definitely an "intrinsic" award we seek.We are "Theory-Y" people, you see...

Then came Friday,it started to rain at 6.45am, the second I woke up. I had to go for a replacement class that day.ERgh!I wanted to go back to sleep ,convincing myself that there is no big deal skipping 1 class.To be honest...I don't fancy Principle of Finance and I hate to admit that I am actually very useless in maths. I don't like numbers!!!And so the rain continued like there is no tomorrow,got heavier and heavier.I pray silently, that it will soon stop and let the sun shine for my sake.I can't stand it,the rain...it drowns me. It's was 9.15am and still pouring...I decided to just go to college anyway considering the fact that my girlfrens and I had made a deal to wear that Accounting T-shirt that day.Caught a bus,luckily I had my MP4 with me...blasted music in my ears and shut my eyes pretending that I did not hear the rain although I'm obviously wet.Can't possibly walk...in the heavy rain and was glad that I took a cab instead from the station to college coz I almost lose my sandals halfway walking a few times...all because of the rain.If I were to wear my sneakers,it will definitely collect rain water*squeshy~a not very pleasant feeling*Imagine squeezing out water from my socks!Glad did not wear shoes...
Ah...PF tutorial,tried my best to do some of the question the night before, and I can't do the budget thing!Felt rather helpless...and answered a silly question..no I was being silly.The tutor asked if anyone preferred financial companies to commercial banks when making a loan.I did,and she asked me why..and I said because interest rate is higher!For goodness sake...I wanted so badly to find ways to invest that I misunderstand that I am the one who is playing a role of that particular "financial company"!LOL..yeah...if I were to make a loan ..DANG! I'll be bankcrupt in no time~What was I thinking? I suspected a litre of rain water have made a mess in my brain..electrified ,maybe? What do u think?*GAspS!*

Foggy,Cold ,Wet...

2009-03-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

So early..and I have to drag myself out of bed...It's been raining for the past few days as if it was crying for me.Nah,who cares right? Nevermind,at least, I have the chance to feel how is it like to live in foggy Forks...*that's where the vampires live,or at least I thought so*but I'm not lucky to have Edward,bah!

Ergh...gotta go for classes later..OHR...have to stay awake...need some caffeine...I thought I am the only one who bother to online at this early hour...but nah...a pink window pops out..stating"hey..so early.."He is early too...we had too...although it's that warm,soft smelly pillow of mine is irresistable....alar...time's up gotta get moving,hope the clouds just gets away....

hell ...all over~

2009-03-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

Just saw my results for the second sem.Not good..in fact..it's very bad...C for QS...thats really unacceptable...only manage to get A's ...for subjects that are least important..and B's..WT!!

The worst feeling is coming back to haunt me..the exact feeling I felt a few months back..I have just started standing back on my feet...and I crash all over again...maybe thats me...born a loser all along...sms-ed my dad, he was expecting better.He called...and congratulated me.I felt like crying...I just manage to mumble ,"ok"...

My mum...I haven't tell her anything...then she miss called me...she was upstairs in her room.I went up..."how was ur results?"I guessed dad must have been the messenger."BAD",I said...

stammer,stammer~

2009-03-06T16:54:00.000-08:00

And so...as quick as lightning,1st week is about to end.Everything is fine...a bit excited for first 2 days...then adrenaline went away...

Yesterday,attended 2nd OHR tutorial,and about to discuss the 1st tutorial that we skipped.My group should be the 1st to present but then I only got to know that we have to present and explain the multiply choice question on the transparency as well...and we didn't have anything transparency whatsoever...we just hung our mouth open like noobies...Then he say,"I thought I had made myself very clear."I just thought to myself, "Sorry sir,you didn't make yourself really clear!"cz another group too didn't expect this too...so..okay...sir is not really satisfied...I can tell by the way he smirked.
The tutorial went on anyway,with other groups...and we manage to borrow a transparency and do our stuffs on the spot...haha!!Thank God Jasmine can read my ugly hand-writing,she write on the transparency while I scribble away...thinking what to "bulls**t" like an idiot in front.My turn came ...I just bulls**t what I can remember at the same time having trouble pronouncing the word "FORMALISATION"!!What was wrong with me?!Stammering non-stop...but I managed to stop myself from transforming into a red tomato...I blush when I'm nervous,blush when I paiseh,blush again when I am furious!!I hate it but I can't help it...it made me so red !He questioned me...I continue bulls**thing...he wrote something down...and at last he muttered "good"..haha..claps anyway...we did it!Wee~~

Actually,felt a little off colour today ,my irrational mood swings is driving me crazy...survived the whole afternoon, continue to allow my friends to distract me...I can't survive without them...lecture was a little bored...lame jokes...can't laughed...but i need to smile at least...the weather was okay...walk to station with friends...boarded the bus...felt worst...hot weather...burning my skin...came back..headed for the shower.Eat,still feeling hot..my throat~ Felt the soar there...and already...argh!!No...no time to fall sick...I'll be fine...going to take a nap...everything will be fine...

Oh...I think i knew why...tomorrow...results will be release...Now I know...it should be that...thats what keep me burning inside...okay..I better stop here...i think my tone is so flat here it bored u guys out...I can't help it...I'll come back when I feel better,right now I need to fall into a deep sleep~zzzzzzzzz~

3rd Semester!!

2009-03-03T09:47:00.000-08:00

9.03am, going to OHR tutorial later...nothing to do and wanted some time here...Wee!! Can't deny,feeling rather excited in this new semester,had no idea why.Maybe I miss my friends so much,or maybe I was so so bored at home doing routine for one whole month! I'm not so sure..maybe both..yea...let it be both..and can I say...I miss studying too?Haha..I know I definitely take back my words in 2 weeks time.Yesterday was my 1st day for 3rd sem...So delighted to finally go out and feel the sun again,so excited to feel the the warm feeling being surrounded my my best mates,and of course some who greeted like they have really miss u!!Haha~Yea, I miss them too!

Morning tutorial was cancelled,so my 1st lecture was OHR.Our lecturer was a man,well at least I saw the enthuasism in him teaching us..although my girlfriends and I didn't really pay much attention to him ...Don't blame us, we were 1 month away from each other!There were definitely so much to talk about and I wish he wouldn't mind...he don't seem to...and anyway there weren't any lecture notes to look at...or even keep us busy with highlighting lines of words!

The other things I noticed were that everyone was in their best...moods were great,great outfits...happy chatters...their eyes were brightly lit and owh ~looking at their happy faces..I felt like smiling too..hmm~except for one..I don't know why and what was bothering him..he seem so tense..he only manages an unwilling smile and continued with his tense look on his face...but i wish him happiness...although I can't help...hope he'll feel better,no matter what is bothering him.=]

And oh...one my my friends decided to switch college and go the Melaka...so ..no matter what she do..I wish her all the best of luck..and yea..we'll miss her and hope she'll miss us too...Well,I think I better get going..it's my 1st OHR tutorial at ten and I'm a little curious to see our tutor for the 1st time...hehe....Buhbye~~~

Happy Birthday Bro!!

2009-02-25T20:48:00.000-08:00

Happy 16th Birhtday Bro!!

Obviously,this is specially for the birthday boy =X mm~~

The birthday boy~

Red eggs is a must!

Yes...it's every year's affair...Birthdays ,anniversaries...what can I say...happy 16th birthday bro^^Actually,25th Feb is the actual date of his birthday but since he is so VIP on wednesday,we decided to celebrate it one day earlier ,that was yesterday.We went out for dinner as usual...came back and had a cut cake ceremony la..haha...ceremony...so formal la...

Ah,talking about presents...I'm feeling a little guilty,I have not bought him anything yet...

Guys!!What on earth can I buy for them?Headache lo!!Nevermind ...give him ang pao lo..but ang pao?I'm not married yet!Forget about it!I have 1 more weekend..I'll definitely get him something..a 4GB pendrive or at least "something"...I love shopping,it wouldn't be so hard right?Come on guys...give me some ideas please?

Freaking Worried la!!

2009-02-24T17:38:00.000-08:00

Hurm...logged on to college website a few days ago..didn't expect anything ..but then...
The thing that bothers us for 1 whole month finally came to hunt us!Uwawa!!I don't want!!
It's written there...results date...wat!? Want me to die so soon?On 7th ar!!Stab me pluehzzz!!

Ok la....it's now or never...have to face it also...shit!On Saturday wor...damn!Since I know the date...I think I will have a good deal of nightmares..till it's finally over...Let's just stop talking about this results thingy ok..It's really freaking me out and I'm sweating =="

Saw the 3rd sem timetable...4 days a week..free on Friday..usual la...Friday..I'll be busy doing house chores...I'm actually glad there is no 8am classes!I hate ..so early !!Go there early oso..blur blur one...information won't masuk lo....but then again...no early classes means I have to wake early also wat...and I hate walking to college!!
Not really walking la...but imagine walking 100m to the bus stop,wait under the rain..if lucky..super hot sun,then wait for 45 minutes that seem like forever,to the LRT station and take the train to Melati station,and walk 100m again on this "notforhumanroad" and finally...reach the back door like you have just came out from the swimming pool..and find your class in that "youcansqueezesaltwaterout" shirt.OMG!How I wish I had a FairladyZ...drift into the college ,find a nice parking and no fuss,right?Okay...I should just stop dreaming..it's not even night yet!

Okay..another thing...I am actually expect 3rd semester to be better...First,because i am seriously bored holidaying for 1 whole month!2nd,this sem is only 7 weeks,and of course...I know everyone in my class *I think so* would feel like celebrating...*ehem* if u guys know what ,why and who to refer to~~U KNOW WHO~~okay..i didn't say anything...lastly...yes.,I have some friends asking me if I did miss them..ergh...I hate this~People paiseh okay...why? and why?...want me to say??!!YES!!I MISS U GUYS SO SO BADLY!!Happy?LOL~*blush*

Other than this 3rd Sem fever,...just now...while I was about to prepare lunch...I heard shouting and screaming outside...I just feel like yer..."why these people shouting like mad?"
I tot one of my neighbour,they have, if not mistaken 5 young hyperactive teenagers boys who always shouting and making the street like a shouting spree with their activities... so..I don't give much thought lo..but then the shouting continued..so..LOUD....and...unusual..and I went out to "kepoh" la...

One of the boys came and ask me.."ada orang kat sebelah?"I just look at him..and said.."entahlah.."Then I told my mum about it..she went out, and I got to know that my neighbour's car which was parked outside at the corner was just broken into ,the stereo was stolen...a high quality one la sure...OMG..Can believe?That was all the shouting about?!
The shocking part was...another neighbour saw everything,and one of the teenage guy saw this 2 person who was smashing the car's side window and started shouting at them to catch other neighbours attention!But...guess what?These rascals got the cheek to perform cooly...and even hold up one hand to tell them to wait!!OMG!!What are they made off?Damn!What happen to society?And..the bad news is..they got away with the stereo set..ERGH!!I feel like...KICKING them in their A**!!They are those culprit making our lives miserable!Why can't they just find a decent job and...become a good citizen?Why?!!Three words-GOD BLESS THEM!!

The Beginning~

2009-02-22T00:40:00.000-08:00

Haha...here I am again...what else? To blog la...
I finally made a decision,a decision that would at least keep me urm~~"occupied" for some time I think...I don't know how long...but..at least for some time la...Yea!!I should be celebrating!!Why?
You ask me why?I found something to do la...Actually guys...let me tell you what I hate...I hate being bored...I can't stop finding things I like to do...I WANT to do lots of things..THINGS THAT I BADLY WANNA DO!!*if only i have the chance la*blueh...wait..wait ..till I gain my INDEPENDENCE...I don't know what I will do...LOL~ drifting perhaps?or...urm...join some camp?I don't know if I'm fit for these...but...as the saying goes.."Di sana ada kemahuan,di situ ada jalan"?Well...i am patiently waiting....although sometimes I'm freaking mad the fact that I am a girl!!duh..don't ask me why...a girl?YES...being a girl ..there are a lots...i mean A LOADS of disadvantages!!That explains everything..NO!!!....I'm not..what you think...I AM STRAIGHT!!I repeat myself...I AM STRAIGHT!!It's just that I think I would probably go out at night and not making my parents worried so much right?Am I right?*I can't let myself to see their worried faces...*they have been worried all their lives ...I can't be so selfish...yes I am..sometimes.But ..nowadays...A guy gets robbed too...RIGHT?So...maybe,it doesn't make any difference at all...So..heck...haha..yea..no difference. But being FEMALE...uh...you know what I mean ~~

Okay...back to the main point...what decision that I've made?I've decided that I will introduce Fragile Heart ...WHAT?! You asking me what on earth is Fragile Heart?Hello...stroll up..I mean real up...get what I mean?If you don't get it...leave this blog alone..you are seriously..SERIOUSLY NOT PAYING ATTENTION!!....I'm out of topic again...Okay...before I forget...my decision is to introduce Fragile Heart when it reaches its 10th posts...yes...thats what I've decided...So,I am quite oblige to keep on blogging...and blogging... of coz to keep myself busy ~YES ...I desperately need something to distract me from ...from... myself...When I'm bored..I tend to think negatively...ergh.!!That's me...duh...so...I write when I feel like it...when I am inspired,whatever makes me write..I will write...

However...as a human "BEAN"...I mean "being" I tend to make mistakes..infact,lots of them...from grammatical errors to...offending others....and before I do anything like that..or maybe has done it...I would like to...as the malay saying-"susun sepuluh jari meminta maaf"~~I don't know what izzit for...to let u guys chop them off with "parang"?NO...of coz not!I mean I would like to apologise..a sincere one...so...no hard feelings people,okay...PROMISE~~?*sweetest smile and a wink*=]

So...SO BIG!

2009-02-20T11:28:00.002-08:00

Guess what I saw while I was hanging out some clothes this morning?!It was so big...and it is the biggest I saw my entire life!A rat!We caught a very very big one.OhMyGod~rats around here are breeding really well these days and I had no idea what they feed on that makes them larger than usual size.In time to come,I will no more be surprised if it becomes the size of a cat!No wonder now,cats are trying to stay away from rats...What happen?I remember one day when I saw a rat quietly sneaking by the bushes one step at a time,and the cat was sitting right under the car...I tot "yea !let me see some show!"Know what?The cat just yawn away...staring at the rat without even moving an inch...Duh!These cats are good for nothing than only visit our house to pee in our plants!No wonder these rats are left to grow even bigger!It's the size of a kitten of 2 weeks...!These rodents are not scared of human anymore...they stare and streak at you if u got too close..omg!People...becareful...u never know when they will jump on you and suck your blood like...like...okay....too much of vampires stories.But you know...anything can change.Myb neighbour came to look and was speechless when she saw it...she was also definitely amazed that I had the courage to take the cage out.LOL...I actually didn't realise it...even though I stood just an inch away from the cage while I was hanging out the clothes...I didn't bother to look...but when I turn around I was like...did I just catch a squirrel?When I tried to take a look at it...it stared at me back..and I think it was thinking-"What the hell are you staring at?Let me go or I'll suck your blood!"I just blink at it and brought it out.I think it weights about 1.5kg or so...I don't know...eww..rats!

Today...today...

2009-02-18T15:59:00.001-08:00

Waking up to see the sun beaming against ur face was ..well very welcoming..especially,during these days...gloomy...no !"Don't blame the weather Bell.."I mumbled to myself..The weather is perfectly fine...great sun...long enough to dry up..well... all these clothes.But somehow, I don't feel great...it's because there are so many things that I wanna do which I possible can't,at least for now..Duh,i am glad I won't stay 18 forever.No I don't mean I wanna do drugs or stuffs like that after 18...wipe it out!It's just I wish for more freedom to make my own decision,to do things I want!!!Its my life,I want my life..is that too much to ask?Maybe I should just go with the flow...and wait till these chains break...hopefully before I finally suffocates myself.Its okay...i am going to be fine..one day...I will find my way out.

Cut the crap...I manage to spend the morning gracefully enough...and finally had something to blog about today.Mom gonna freak out if she knows*she doesn't allow me to touch her kitchen*except for washing up!!...but Hello!! ..how am I going to learn if I don't take risks?But...don't try this at home,if you don't have faith~take risks which are only worth taking.No...I don't mean to frighten u guys,Its not really life -threatening,but do this in someone else kitchen if possible~!haha...because it will stir up a mess..if you a newbie like me.Actually I found some recipes in the papers..I was really bored for a few days and when I read this recipe,I thought why not?Give it a try,even if it doesn't work out,I'll make sis and bro finish it...*evil laughs*

What really worries me is..finding the ingredients...flour -check,an egg-check,honey-check,fresh milk-check...but here it says self-raising flour...I only have corn flour...does it make any difference?I don't know...At least if it doesn't raise by itself*as it stated,SELF-RAISING,then I'm gonna raise it myself!!Whats the big deal anyway?Reading through the instructions,well...it is not tough,sift the flour ,sugar,a pinch of salt...put in an egg,pour in milk with honey...whisk....whisk..say a prayer...tadah!...laid it to rest..in the refrigerator for 10 minutes or so...Oh,the sausages ofcoz...heat it...tick tock..tick ..tock.10 minutes done.I think the bater had rest enough...,heat the pan...one tablespoon of bater...'pshh'~the bater cried..spread evenly thin layer...till golden brown.OUCH!!Thats not the bater,it's me.I burned my finger...duih...put the sausage on the bater when it starts to golden*it doesn't turn golden oso?*...roll it up an d serve..."aiya,no need so nice la"...i am the one who is going to eat them...

So?It wasn't love at first bite....wahahaha...I laughed at myself.It tastes more like Chapati...yer...the bater...I think too much flour..like chapati...haha.I pour in more milk....and try the same steps again....this time the bater is better.The piece of flour starts to turn golden beautifully..and crisp so handsomely~It tastes fine for me...I don't know what my sis n bro will say...I hope it is nice...at least it will keep their mouth shut!Shh~~I wonder who will dare to try what I made....and ...I hope you won't have to run to the toilet!;)

I wish I could put up a pose of my finger food,but I don't have the camera with me now...ergh!
Maybe next time if possible,when I'm prepared to mess up this kitchen again...."I'll be back~~~"

Loving Vampires.

2009-02-17T13:45:00.000-08:00

Stephenie Meyer...You are famous because of me,hehe.

This is gonna look very good on my wall.

Twilight is a vampire movie which revolves around a girl,Bella and a hot vampire guy ,Edward Cullen.Edward find himself falling in love with a human girl,Bella.One day,Edward saved Bella's life and they begin to spend a lot of time together even at first,friends in school were rather afraid of Edward and some of them knew the reason behind it but choose to just stay away from him.Of course,as time passes,Bella begun to suspect something and tried to get some information and come to a point that she confronted him...and found out who he was,a Vampire.Her life is constantly at risk especially being around bloodsuckers.To make matter worst,there is another group of vampires who hunt human and found Bella's blood to be irresistable.The persistent vampire who is determined to hunt Bella,-James keeps on tracking Bella and finally traps her.Edward came in time to rescue her,and is responsible for saving Bella from becoming one of them by sucking the venom out of her.

What i write here is a very short summary of Twilight.Actually,when I first read it in newspapers,I told myself that I wanna get my hands on these books by Stephanie Meyer.There are actually 4 of them the first-Twilight which was released in cinemas last year,the 2nd book which I am finishing-New Moon,third-Eclipse and the last book-Breaking Dawn.Honestly,the book is so much better than the movie.By reading the book,although it's so much at slow pace..but i can imagine the characters like in reality.The movie,yeah can't deny,Edward is urm...irresistable,and Bella is pretty,but,the story is too simple I think...and like most of my friends said,the movie will be better if there is more tomato sauce...yea~BLOOD.Generally,the movie is too tame ...

But I am still looking forward for New Moon in action!!If I'm not mistaken,it will be released this November..ooh...so long~~~But I miss Edward so much already...aish..nevermind there are still books to finish...I'll survive..besides he visits me in my room every night.Haha~can't stop dreaming of the impossible...argh!!..bro is back ...gotta get lunch ready for him...chao~^^

Alas!!a brand new year^^

2009-02-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

I am still mouring for u guys T__T

Hmm..at last ,found some time for myself,blogging.I wanted to do this so long but was busy with something else and expressing myself in a PC in the corner of my living room isn't very nice...privacy is all i have now for at least 1 week...to make this happen=]
Actually...really,i been wanting to do this for so long....having my own blog but what discourage me was,i realize i had nothing interesting in the world to tell about...well about myself.Other than ,me walking around in the house,slogging in front of the idiot box doing nothing,then do some house chores....and finally juz laze around in my room....listening to musics...
Ok..i know...you are probably bored reading all this stuff...coz i'm getting sleepy too writing this...
Lets get something to say about myself...something that gives everyone out there a little idea or a little peek into my life....

This blog...I want to thank my little rocker friend,Vivian Ng...no she doesn't know i'm inspired by her...yes...Vivian,it's u!No...i'm actually inspired by her blog...haha~
I was bored then,having a whole month of hols in my hand seem nice...if only I could hang out more often and shop till I drop!!I read through her blog and it was actually entertaining!!
So,the noble prize goes to her..no..her blog,for having me to start this.^^

You might be reading this somewhere at this year end...2009,i don't know...
but for sure,I'll let my blog grow..before letting it out for the world to read...its still an infant here and i'm still a noob at this.To be honest..i've started some blog somewhere,but I failed to continue...because as I said,I need privacy to do this ,and juz incase this didn't start well...at least i might juz leave it and not having to feel guilty about abandoning it...hehe.

Reminiscing last year,2008,I would have to say it was the worst,that's why i am really glad that I've have step into 2009 and of course I hope n wish it will not drown me like the previous year.But I don't hate 2008,I actually have grown up a lot from 2008.I will always keep it in my memory,its my teacher.Lets start at the beginning of the year,I was having a very very long holiday at home after graduating from highschool,say bout 5 to 6 months.*I'm not really fond of long holidays like that*All I do was waking up early to catch the sun and hang out the clothes,then watch the idiot box like zombie,then eat,and finally when night falls sleep...how pathetic is that!!?

To make things worst,I wasn't allowed to go out that often...*being a girl sucks*because of some minority lurking on the outside world.Mom and dad,most of the time did not like the idea of me hanging outside often or even surfing the net too long....*i don't blame them*but I blame the idiots out there who made havocs!!Because of the news in the papers,in tv, mom n dad are always worried...so i was on a rebel side..and always had arguments whenever i wanna go out.Duh,what a nightmare!!
The new year wasn't a joyous one,CNY that year was ok...then ko...
what happen was family n I went pai nien at dad's fren house...after that we went for supper.When we got back to the car,imagine our horror!!It was broken into...and some of valuable stuffs were gone...including ang paos!!n my diskman..duh..duh ..T__T

That is only February,come March...I continued to sank...then SPM results came out....DUH..DUH..Duh!!I was dissapointed and depressed...T___T Enough of this already~~April was fine,and came May.I started college...
I was still under the dark clouds,I though at least...lets get someting new started!!I did not expect something this new ...I went to my library to read up some notes before my lecture starts...45 mins gone...i went out...and...all i could muttered was..."shit!"my bag was gone!!The whole thing!!I could not even imagine I was so bad luck last year.The rest of the year was not good,with a couple events of losing things....until the end of the year.*I'm glad I did not lose my head*.okay..all i have to say to that person who love my pink stuff so much ,"GOD BLESS YOU",for the year ahead~~*the pic up there,aren't they cute?*

See why it was tough being me?I don't know what is lined up for me this year but I pray for the best...coz whatever happens,the day is going to creep by,albeit tough.But last year,the best thing ever happen, I got to know some wonderful friends,different interests...different tastes...
some are introverts ,some extroverts..and many are like me "unpredictable".Some even are my 'lucky stars'..I'll see why~~